Do you ever feel like you are just holding it together? Even though you can feel everyone looking at you? One child screaming, the other under your feet. Rain is falling down as you struggle to put the screaming child into the pram where they do not want to be. They arch their back and stretch their legs out like they are a robot unable to bend their legs. You manage to get them in the pram after forcing them in there. Those eyes are still staring at you, as your second child is still under your feet.
Then someone asks you if he is alright. Telling you that he was fine 2 minutes ago and now he is screaming his head off. They then ask you with a concerned look, "well what are you meant to do? I don't have children, but my sister does and they do go from being happy to being unhappy in a moment." I can feel my whole body relax as I look back at him and say, "you just have to not worry about the eyes you can feel looking at you, and not care what anyone else is thinking. This is part of being a parent."
I know I have said what was completely in my subconscious the whole time. I really do think this is what was holding me together. Just knowing I am not doing anything to hurt them. One is sick with high fevers and ready for his morning sleep, the other is not completely well and she just wants to help her mum. There are moments like this where you could loose it. Where something could just push you enough to have those tears stream down your face. But thankfully that one person who even bothered to say anything was saying something positive. Not negative. The eyes that were watching were probably feeling more sorry for you, rather then thinking you are a bad parent having your children upset. But why at those moments do we feel the whole world is against us? I am now giggling as it is so very true. We do feel that. No matter how positive we are as parents, there are moments when we feel negative vibes from others. But mostly you will find they understand.
This was my morning, my saturday morning. I wore my converse shoes, not my gumboots, and it rained a lot. I opened the umbrella up for Keely and I to go under on the way home. When we were half way home, I looked up to see a HUGE spider on the inside of the umbrella hitching a ride, and staying out from the rain. I told Keely to not freak mum was going to move the umbrella for a moment. WHACK..... no spider was going to ruin my day!