Wednesday, December 3, 2014

the positive body bits and pieces at almost 40

I am struggling to do a lot of things lately, and one of them is blogging. Although this is not my major struggle; I struggle to get dressed in the mornings. I play superman about 4 times on average until I am either happy with what I walk out of the house in, or I have completely ran out of time, and have to roll with it, until I come home to get changed at lunch time! I know nuts, right.


Taj dressed me in this outfit... black ripped jeans and a black singlet (he knows black is good)

But it isn't nuts, because as soon as I opened my mouth and spoke to people around me, one my doctor, it was clear to me that this is the norm around my age. I am getting close to 40, the figure has changed a little. (I know I am slim, and athletic, although I still get the bits and pieces). No one around me was talking about this issue, even though a lot of my friends are a little ahead of me in the age game. 

At first, I had posted on instagram, which went to my Facebook page, and I was personally having a 'what the?' reaction. The comments were awesome. My doctor also explained it to me, and my best friend that was recently 40 discussed it with me too. She talked about acceptance and how much she loves her body. She goes to the gym 3 times a week, eats pretty well, but not scared to have a blow out with the food we all love. 'Why be scared, I go to the gym 3 times a week!' I love it, because she taught me a lot right there and then over a good cup of coffee, and freshly baked homemade {treat} muffins.

I walked away thinking, acceptance without the guilt

The very next day, Taj dressed me. I asked him to choose my outfit for the day. The day after Keely chose my outfit. From then on, I have chosen and not changed once. It has been 6 days. I feel I am out of that stupid head rut I was in, and to make sure tomorrow I take on a new challenge.


keely's outfit... she loves me in skirts!



It is the clear the cupboard out, and start fresh challenge. All clothes I don't really wear, the ones I have had issues with in the past few weeks, will be boxed up and shipped off to one of my best friends. She will have her rummage, make sure I am not being too crazy, and then the remaining clothes will go to a charity.

Big job, however I think it will be worth it. Women need to accept their bodies at all stages in their lives. I wish I loved my body in my 20s, instead of being so hung up about it. I have decided I will love my body at 37 and beyond. We all learn at some stage, and I will pass all this awesome knowledge onto my daughter. She can live a positive body image life early on.

Bring on operation fashion parade!


{recovery is going well, I have a wind trainer and riding my bike with minimal impact on my leg. I feel great}!

Thursday, November 6, 2014

good karma for being brave

It is the week that just keeps giving! Who doesn't love some good karma flying back in their face? This week it has been mine, and it is such a reward for sharing my voice in words to the Royal Commission into child sexual assault.



This morning I received a phone call from a lady Commissioner. She had been passed on my details as the Commissioner who read my letter was very touched by the words I had written. Because my personal story does not fall under the specific terms of reference, a Commissioner is going to personally write back to me in reference to my letter into the Royal Commission. I had made some very good points of reference in my survival of child sexual assault. The lady was lovely, and told me that they do not single out letters and call people independently, however in this case they wanted to talk to me, and then also put a few things into writing, and post me a letter within a week.

Writing to the Royal Commission was last minute, (the day before submissions closed), however it was not written with only minutes to spare. This was and is my life story. I wish I could share it with you, and one day I hope to. It has parts of my story in reference to what they are asking for in this particular paper. I even outline at the bottom of my personal letter that I may not fall under their criteria, however continue to have a majority of the answers with good points of reference reflecting to my personal story. I did something to warrant a phone call. Even when you don't fall under a 'category' in life, you should never single yourself out to be less the person you are. You never know just how awesome you are until you share your story, and see how much you watch the dominos fall.

I am grateful for finding my voice, for sharing it with people like Tony Abbott, Mike Baird and the awesome Pat Farmer. And I am grateful for having the support of the people close to me, and those I do not even know.

I know I am only one person, but I sure do feel like I have a full force of strength behind me from those who only wish they could share their voice too. I hope that in my lifetime I see the world change more when it comes to the laws surrounding child sexual assault, and that when I continue to work towards my dream of running around the world, I open a lot of people up to the fact they too can talk about child sexual assault, being a survivor or not. 


Monday, November 3, 2014

one year on, and now I am talking to Tafe students!

One deep breath and I was underway. Without thinking I was talking about child sexual assault and sharing my story. A year on since 777 and I was composed, confident and I felt safe. I knew one student in the room, who helped me get today's guest talk at the Tafe. Other than that they were new faces and people that wanted to listen.



I was living a dream. They didn't know that I wanted to talk to schools and create awareness in that way. I still cannot believe I have had this one dream and thought about this moment since I was in my late teens. Who thinks of a thing like that whilst facing court and the reality of life that was once a living nightmare. Who thinks about helping others by standing at the front of the classroom?

One brave little girl inside. That's who.

I sometimes wish I could talk to her. Connect to that scared girl inside and tell her that life will be ok. That it is safe.

Today they met a part of that girl, and at the same time they met a woman so brave and courageous to open up a subject that is no longer a secret. I hope they too will be brave and help others like the girl inside me when they graduate.




I hope this is the beginning of more for me, as I continue on with the Be Brave campaign. I am really proud of how far I have come, and where this big voice of mine is leading me in life. What a survivor!


Monday, October 27, 2014

parenting: give yourself credit, it is due

The worst critic is myself. I am awesome at pulling layers off myself, and then having to take the time to put them all back on again. It is exhausting, and it isn't a cool thing to do to yourself. I feel I have pulled back on being as hard on myself as I used to be. Sometimes all it takes is the simplest of things to give yourself a pat on the back.




Today I did just that. Smiled huge, as I looked through old images of my little people.






I have come a long way with being a single parent. My reward is two awesome, beautiful and inspiring little people. I don't think it would matter if I was a single parent or not. We are too hard on ourselves as parents. Maybe today, you too can give yourself a pat on the back.




They are happy, healthy and a reminder of just how perfect I am for them.



Tuesday, October 14, 2014

anxiety and my healthy gut

With all this wellness goodness being flipped around in our heads, you cannot help but stand up and allow it to become part of your life in one way or another. I made a decision that I needed to change. Not change too much, but change enough to be able to squish my anxiety, feel good about myself, and really go for the core of the issues, which ironically are in my gut.



Yes, I think with my heart, possibly too much in life, and I do use that head of mine too. However the force that drives me to be me is my gut. What I put in there, is what I will get out of it. The gut is the core to ones emotions, and if you were to know me, I am driven by my emotions. If I can put good stuff in, then one would only assume, I am going to get the best of me out of the food that I am eating.

In the past few weeks, and even years, I have experimented with cleansing, and starting all over again. Cleaning the core out, and rebuilding it. Although, before I know it, I am rebuilding and then adding things I truly should not be adding. It becomes that cycle, and easily driven from that first moment you go out for dinner, or you eat at a friend's house, and lifestyle changes from unexpected events. I am not a bad eater at all. I think that is why it is easy for me to get back into clean and sugar free eating. It now just needs to become a lifestyle change, with no guilt for having a meal out with friends. 

And no change to the anxiety levels.....

That is the part I am working on. I must be doing something right as I haven't had any anxiety for the past 6 weeks, except yesterday grabbed me by the chest and had a good hard squeeze of my chest. It was soon squished with a natural remedy my awesome friend had sent me. {It is an experiment that I will keep going with. There has to be a reason why it is back. And a part of me knows what it is}.

I am not sure if I am truly "sugar free" at the moment. More like a caveman in new age living. I have gone old school with my eating, and I am not scared if the opportunity arises to have a little treat amongst friends. I have also really pushed myself to put a lot of this onto my children. I guess when you are at home and have no choice to be here, you have the time to nut over some new eating plans for the whole family. It is more the lunchbox saga! {Insert some suspense music right now}

Last night I baked banana muffins, boiled some eggs for lunch boxes, and made homemade chicken nuggets for their dinner last night. No more packets of convenient crap. {Famous last words, however one can only try}. And succeed. Not only was it practical and easy, it was also great to spend that time I remember spending with Keely when she was younger. Sometimes we get caught up in the rat race of work and school drop off routine, we forget how awesome it is to bake and cook with our little people.

Happy baking and cooking…. would love any awesome meal ideas! Plus any anxiety busters when it comes to what you put in your mouth.



At the end of this week, I am back to the surgeon. A long recovery process will go to the next level, where I can only hope I start walking on it again. 



Thursday, September 18, 2014

recovery from surgery and a twist in routine

My leg is high in the air, in a half cast, equipped with a bit of a fat foot, and two little people by my side. They are wagging school today, due to me not being able to drive for the next 6 weeks, and no one to pick them up today. It is kind of cool having an impromptu date with mum, the sunshine, a creative writing project, some chores to help mum out, and movies in bed.





The surgery was a success, and the new routine for the next few weeks seems to be working. Tomorrow I see the surgeon for an update, get out of the cast and into the hot knee high boot. I have been non weight bearing for the past 10 days, which has been interesting, especially when it comes to regular everyday chores. Thank goodness for Taj and his love for vacuuming. Keely has a new love of hanging out washing, whilst Taj loves to put the machine on. Not sure if it will be smooth sailing for the next few weeks, however for now it works. Once I can weight bear we should be able to hop on a bus and have some school holiday fun in Manly and the beach.

 

Hello sunshine and spring!

Orders are being packed by 8am each morning with help from my boyfriend, and at times my two little people. Today we rocked it, and even had time for a coffee.





Business as usual, with a little twist of chaos, extra love, and one less tooth for Taj.


Thursday, September 4, 2014

who are you protecting?

I am protecting my girl, my little guy, I am protecting all Australian children, and with hope my voice spreads across the world and there are more children I am protecting.




Next week marks child protection week. There will be White Balloon Day celebrations across the country in creating awareness for child sexual assault, and raising much needed funds for Bravehearts. I will be attending the White Balloon Day Breakfast and I feel honoured to be part of such a big event with founder of Bravehearts, Hetty Johnston attending alongside a lot of other amazing and inspiring people. I cannot wait to hear them talk!

Being an ambassador I am really passionate about what Bravehearts do, and what they continue to do. I am also passionate in what I have been doing alongside them, with sharing my story and my voice. I never realise how far it reaches until I see the domino affect from having the courage to share. Above all, I am grateful that I can protect my children sharing with them the awareness, and creating a safe and happy environment for them to grow up in.

{you can still donate to help me raise more funds for Bravehearts. The Be Brave tee shirts are still available in children tee shirts, size 1-10 years, ladies xs-large, and mens small to extra large. Purchase here and 100% proceeds go to Bravehearts, or you can donate on my personal donation page, here}.





I am just back from one of my last runs before surgery. Just a little one, but bigger than what I have been doing. Today was 8km, and I feel great in the head. When the running stops on Monday, I will quit sugar. This week I have been on a cleanse preparing my body, and to be honest I feel amazing. I ironically didn't have any caffeine withdrawals, and I am not a big sugar eater anyway. So I feel this could be a good way of introducing some new recipes into our meals, and hopefully leading towards quitting sugar for my little people. Taj will be much easier, than miss fussy eater. 



Oh, and the television is still unplugged! My little people read more, play more and it is a delight to hear them read amongst themselves, to me and to each other.

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