Wednesday, August 31, 2011

our groundhog day rocks

I am home. I am mummy again, and it feels awesome. Last night I just wanted to grab those little people and put them in my bed. I however waited for the tip toe of little feet at about 2am; Taj jumped in and told me he loved me to the moon and back and wrapped his arms around me, and put his little button nosed on my chin, and fell asleep. I however could not sleep. I was happy to be in the moment.

Keely popped her little self into the room just before 6am. I had cuddles from both my little people. I am one lucky mummy, and woman.

Today my little people modeled. Today I walked back into my chaotic life. Today I pushed the chaos aside, and had the best day with my little guy. Did what I had to do, and the rest, well, I will just cram it in before I leave next week.

Now, I be mum. I be the best person I know I can be. My beautiful little people rock my world, and I sure hope I rock theirs.

*right now I should be doing work, loading stock, deep etching images, but instead I want to come here, and tell you all how much my little people light up my life, tuck myself into bed, and wait for those little tip toes at 2am.

I love my groundhog day with my little people.

Monday, August 29, 2011

melbourne is the styling city

Melbourne.... What more can I say. This city is beautiful. And 10 years ago I almost moved here. A place I was going to call home.

I love all that is happening around me. I love the people. I love their style. I love that there are hidden lanes with cute shops, cafes and graffiti walls. I love tramin. (I also love the fact I have called it tramin, and I have come up with my very own word for tram hopping).

A few days away was meant to be all about the Lady and it has ended up being more about me. I did not mean for it to happen this way. The whole reason why I was here was a complete fizzle, and I had to make it not such a fizzle by taking the time to make it more of an adventure. More of a down tools time. (And once I stopped, with no little voices in my ear, I realised that this was something I needed more than I thought).

I however cannot wait to hear those little voices in my ear. That little cuddle. That insane time in the morning where a little person is jumping on me. I miss my little people.

Thank you Melbourne. You rock.

*no blog post tomorrow. I have a lot of work to catch up on before I hop on that big jet and rock it in California.... 8 sleeps to go!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

my solo greek dining experience

I have heard people talk about food comas. I am having my first one. And it is all thanks to George Calombaris, and his restaurant, The Press Club, in Melbourne. He believes that the Greek culture is about the spirit of generosity. I felt that. He also has his chefs cook from the heart. I felt that.

My second dining experience on my own. Maybe it is more my first as last night was in the hotel's restaurant. Tonight I stood out. I was the only solo diner. I went as me. Not much fluffing done. I didn't have room to pack the pretty lady things. I wore a pair of native shoes, royal blue jeans, and a nice tluxe tee shirt, with a burnt orange scarf and cardigan. Not exactly your fine dining attire. I did however wear makeup and I did feel somewhat beautiful in my own way.

I ate eight courses. Drank wine from Greece, and people watched. There were conversations happening all around me. Some I could hear, some I did not need to hear. It was a beautiful atmosphere. Some things did shock me; mobile phones were out. Photos, answering calls, using an iphone as a mirror to check makeup, and teeth after each course. Call me old fashioned, but I would prefer to talk to the person in front of me. I sat alone. My mobile phone sat in my bag on silent. It was my dining experience. And mine alone. I enjoyed my own company.

It is a shame that those that chose to use their phones could not hold a conversation with the person sitting in front of them, and they could not use a bathroom to check their makeup, or their teeth. I hope I am not coming across rude, but I do believe that we as a society are loosing touch of our lives with the technology available. I know I do take a lot of images with my phone. But I do know when it is time to put it away. And take in all that is around me; for me.

I am capable of enjoying my own company, and I must say, months ago I did not. It is a great place to be. To dine alone, and not feel uncomfortable at all, in my under-dressed threads, was a great confidence building experience.

I missed my mum, and thought of her, as I sat next to 3 generations of women. I wanted to be seated with my mum, not a beautiful man. Have all of those great conversations we used to have. (A beautiful man would of been lovely. And I have no doubt my mum would of been matching me up with each attractive waiter that was working)! Mum always wanted me to be happy, and to have a beautiful man by my side. I am happy. And I know that what I have accomplished alone this weekend would make my mum happy.

Dining on your own is a beautiful experience. I believe we should all try it, single or not single. Book that table, and take in everything around you, just you.

And enjoy your food coma.

{In true Blease style.... I have to say, "rock on}!"

Saturday, August 27, 2011

the lady in melbourne

I am laying on my hotel bed, completely on my own. It is kind of nice, and a little weird. It is just me.

My flight was delayed over an hour. I was that chilled out, I did not care. There was no little person to worry about. I put my feet up and people watched.

I had dinner on my own. I sat and ate, and had a lovely glass of red wine. I am already analysing my life. Thinking about things. Mostly thinking about myself, which is different for me. I do think about myself in that normal everyday way, as we all do, but not in the aspect of really figuring out what I would like. Having that reflection time without the interruption of a little voice, of an incoming email or phone call, or seeing someone I know. It is just me. Just me for 3 whole nights.

Tomorrow I have a training run in the morning, and off to fashion exposed for Lady Pinwheel.

I love melbourne. Rock on.

Friday, August 26, 2011

my girl

I am blessed. Truly blessed. My little people rock my world, and for the past week my little girl has been beautiful.

Keely has always been a sweet girl, and this is evident through the instant friendships she makes everywhere she goes. I drop her off at school, and all I can hear is her name being called. She is that girl that will be friends with everyone. No matter what. She has that heart, and nature.

She is patient, and sometimes not so patient, but overall I think I am raising a very special person.

My big girl rocks my world, and makes me proud.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

the simple first

This facing fear thing is easy. Check me out. I am hugging a lizard. Yes it has legs, and yes it is not a snake. But it is still a reptile that was holding onto my chest. And I was feeling the fear.

This has to count as facing part of my fears. The simple things first.

Next I am thinking of rocking a meal at a restaurant on my own. Have a drink at the bar, and sit down to eat beautiful food, whilst taking in the people watching. I have never done this, and I have always wanted to. It is not really a fear, but I guess if I have never done it, there must be an element of fear. Maybe it is the thought of being the kid in the playground all on their own with no friends.

Melbourne this weekend. I might have to be that kid in the playground.

In case you are wondering, Elvis, (yes his name is Elvis), and I bonded. I think it is love. Elvis rocks.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

the vulnerable happiness

Are you vulnerable. Do you feel like you need to watch every corner you go around. Do you think that if you don't watch each step you take, something bad is going to happen.

That is me. Or I would like to say that was me. I am that person that is feeling somewhat vulnerable with my life. It is all good. To the point where it is kind of scary. I need to let go of that part of me that has that fear of being hurt, and ride with the fact life is looking good, and allowed to be good.

Have you ever let go of your vulnerability and gone with the flow of the all good? Do you just take a deep breath and keep doing what you are doing, and life just keeps going?

I know it might sound random, but I have not had everyday normal chaos and no real bad to go along with it. I have dealt with the loss of my mum, and at peace now, I have moved on from my marriage, and I have built a new home for myself and my little people, I have put a whole lot more of me into my business, and I have a great bunch of awesome friends that are part of my family, and I also have my running, which I love more than I ever thought I would. I now run because of the sheer love and joy, not because I am running away from things.

Is it ok to let go, and allow yourself to be vulnerable to the world? Does it make someone that overly happy, up themselves person, just because their life has no drama? There are so many questions.

Maybe there is no answer, but let go and roll with life being all good?

When I am down, I run. When I am up I run. What do you do to cope with everyday life, and those hard times?

{I will be honest and say I feel that good, I don't know what to blog about. Is it ok to say.... today rocked. That today was all kinds of awesome, and good karma came my way today.... several times}?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

the vitamin boost

Today I had vitamin C, with magnesium via an intravenous drip.

I am very much all for natural medicine. I hope this will give my body that kick up the butt it needs to get me 100% well.

I have still been training, and I am getting stronger. It is amazing what running can do to one's mind, and also to an asthmatics lung capacity.

I am having 2 more sessions with the intravenous drip, and I will be interested to know how I feel after I have had more. I am also taking olive leaf extract. Right now I am exhausted. But that could be a combination of the training, work, and still being a little unwell.


Rest. Relaxation. Running. Rock on!

Monday, August 22, 2011

my little black book

Every lady needs a little black book. Today I received mine.

Two weeks to go.

Friday, August 19, 2011

the simple; landing on your two feet

Sometimes the simple things in life are what build us up inside, and personally make us better people. I believe in karma. I believe that if I give myself in certain ways I will live a life that is full of surprises. There is a whole lot of soul searching happening for me right now. Trying to figure out the person I am, and why people around me can alter that in ways that are out of my control. I guess when one is sick they think too much, and clearly I am thinking too much.

At the same time I think it is nice to do this inner body clean out. It keeps one grounded with the reality of life, and the reality of feelings. I unfortunately have lost someone in my life in the past two weeks, and it is taking a lot out of me. It is questioning me as a person, and it is making me wonder why I continue to get hurt. I guess that is normal to question yourself. I am lucky to have beautiful friends that tell me not to change one little bit. I am me, and sometimes the choices in my life, and the things around me are out of my control.

A simple thing today has made my day. The simple comment from a lady in a supermarket that watched me discipline Taj. He had been hitting me. I was very calm, went to his level and picked up the yoghurts he had thrown on the ground. (Yes he had a tantrum whilst smacking me one). I did my thing, explained that I do not smack him, and he should not smack me, as it hurts. I said a few other things, but it is what the lady said to me that I remember. She told me I am doing really well, that my son will grow up a better person, because of the way I disciplined him. It has made my day. (But know I am no perfect mum. I have moments when I am not so calm. I have moments where I loose it). I just want to be a good mum. And this woman told me I was doing that.

It is these small things, and the simple thanks from friends that make me realise that I don't need to change. I will loose people in my life, even people I thought would stay forever, but I will always have those who respect and understand the person I am. And I will always have strangers that will comment, some good and some bad. I won't change. I am me.

An overanalysing sick me! Soul searching done. (Until the next crossroad in my life).

Be yourself, there is no better person to be.

Enjoy your weekend. A very quiet one for me, with my two beautiful children, ace friends, and a whole lot of craft. Rock on!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

checking out

When you share your life on your blog, well parts of it, (there is a lot you don't know; I have to have some privacy), you sometimes feel obliged to come and check in to say why you are checking out for a little while. There is a fine line on what is the right thing to do, and when it is acceptable to share no words at all without an explanation.

The reason I am checking out is very simple, I am sick again, as you know from a previous post about the rising damp in my unit. I went to the doctor today, and I have bronchitis. It was confirmed that the reason why I would be so sick with continued chest infections is the dampness in my home. I am doing all of the right things to help, but my peak flow for my breathing is rather low, and I am wheezing. We have a plan of attack to get me well, and I have no doubt in a few days I will be completely me again.

I am happy to report this will not stop me from running, and I have been given the all clear to train still with my trainer, and to run in the US. My doctor is going to give me vitamin C via an intravenous drip three times in the next three weeks. So right now, with all of the summer orders for my business, the things I need to do before I leave the country, getting myself well, and rockin' it for my little people, I need to check out.

Check you later.

Monday, August 15, 2011

meet the real cinderella and his story

Have you ever met a more beautiful cinderella? Here is my cinderella, all dressed up ready for the ball.

Taj apparently is cinderella, and he told me so. He also told me that he has a girlfriend. Yes, Taj has his first girlfriend.

"Mumma, Priya was here today. I chased her, and hugged her." Taj says giggling.

Keely then looks up at me, and giggles, whilst saying, "mum, he kissed her too!" Taj shrugs one shoulder, (the classic nervous, cute kid thing), and says to me, "mumma, Priya cried when I chased her."

I love being a mum. These beautiful first life experiences. These innocent and fun times. Little people truly do show you what life is really about, how to live, and how to be a better person yourself. Although, I don't think I am going to go around chasing boys, and hugging them, and I sure hope I don't make them cry when I kiss them!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

jumping the air hurdle

There is nothing like sitting in your new home, which I love, and so do my little people, and hearing yourself wheeze. There is a rising damp problem, and it is showing me what it is like to truly have asthma. A breathing issue in my life that was brought on by exercise, and chest infections, has been hanging around giving me grief for the past month of living here.

I am one to take the positive out of something. The negative is the fact I have had two missed days of training this week due to my asthma, and my trainer saying no running. This in itself hurts, as I want to run more than you could even imagine. I have found my thing, and once you find that you have to hold onto it, and keep it close. I don't quit; it is not in me to give up.There is always a solution.

Two dehumidifiers purchased, which have helped somewhat, but not enough for my own health. So the positive is I get support from my doctor who will manage my asthma through natural medicine, as well as asthmatic medication. And the fun side is I am going to camp out in the lounge room for the next 3 weeks, until I leave for the US. I am sure I will get over dragging my mattress out of my room each night, and putting it away every morning, but I know two little people are going to think this is the best thing ever. I will instantly receive the mother of the year badge.

I want to run. I actually need to run. Today I was hurt from someone that should never hurt me, and tomorrow I need to run that out. To meditate completely in my own head, and have those feet glide across the pavement. And as I type this my eyes are closed, (yes I can touch type), and I can see this piece of me being put back together.

You might think that sounds strange. But running gives me all of that. It is the one thing that helped me when I was a teenager as I ran away from the abuse, helped me when I lost my mum, and helped me when my marriage broke down. It has helped me through positive times in my life too. It is my thing. And I will breathe easily tomorrow as I suck in that fresh air, and take all that inflicted pain out of my chest.

We will stay here. This is our home, and I am not about to take my children away, or myself away, from a place we now call home, and that we love. This is just another hurdle in the path of life.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

my mum

Each step I take in my life I think of her. Each step that leaps me forward, each step that takes me backwards, I think of her.

I will walk for the rest of my life.

And she will be with me in every step I take.

She will catch me when I fall. She will stand by my side as I walk with my children through my life. It is not the way I need, or I would want; it is the only way I have left to be with her.

I hold my mum in my heart. We will walk, and dance together.

{If only you could see my mum's grooves. There will be a lot of laughter in those times of dancing.}

Tomorrow is five years since I held my mum. Tomorrow I will hold her even closer than I have ever done before.

I miss you mum.

(This post is brave of me. I wanted to walk through my day tomorrow with no one even knowing that I still hurt, and want her back. I believe this will never go. She was a very special person, and I was blessed to have her as my mum).

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

my wild child

I have a wild child. A little guy that has way too much energy for someone that was up all night in my face. Poor little guy was coughing all night, and sobbing. It was a long night. I actually believe we slept for less than 2 hours. He started on the couch, 30 minutes after he initially went to bed, and ended up wrapping himself around me for the rest of the night.

The sick kid, turned into some kind of wild animal all day. Seriously someone wound him up way past the click point. I could not keep up. He was forever thrown in between my legs for a headlock, under my arm for the good old footy hold, which I must say rocks when they are having a tantrum and you do not have time to roll with it, and the upside down hold, in which he ends up giggling the whole time.

So tonight this mumma is going to bed now. I can hear him coughing, and he has only been asleep for an hour. Hoping for an easier night on both of us.

Do not be confused with the cute kid in the images, he was wild. He was knocking with his bottom on the church side door, telling me that no one was answering! His hide and seek game started from him running away from me after I bought new trainers. He told me to run after him, and then of course he would not come out. Don't you wish you could have their energy?Instead I personally have to opt for the caffeinated version to keep up with him; coffee.

How do you survive?

I phone a friend, drink coffee, rock the footy hold, upside down giggles, and a few headlocks. Then I sleep early.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

your brave body image

I did a post on body image back in January. It was a post on my own body, your body and the issues that I have faced, and still face to an extent. It is interesting how I blogged about accepting my stretch marks, but showing an image of myself with my hands covering them. I was still brave, and wow have I come a long way since the beginning of this year. (This post as a whole is one of the top 5 posts read on my blog).

As the summer months approach in Australia, we think about that white glowing body, with a few stray hairs, and maybe a few extra bits and pieces that were not there last summer. The thought of the trusted swimsuit crosses our minds, and soon enough we are standing in front of our mirrors, with last seasons swimmers on with tears rolling down our cheeks. Body image issues arise, and before you know it, you are buying a whole new pair of swimmers to suit the body you now have.

With my trip approaching, (oh yes four weeks to go), I have been doing the throwing of my swimmers in the air, and caving in to buy a whole new pair. Why? I want to feel good about myself. And you know what, I did. I am white, I still have stretch marks, but I now have a whole lot more acceptance. It of course helps going to a shop where you know you are going to get the feedback we need as women, without the bullshit.

I walked out of the change room. I never walk out of the change room.

Hands by my side.

Yes, I am skinny, and yes I have a more toned body than last summer. But I still have issues with my body, and I still hurt when people tell me I am too skinny. I believe if more women, like the lady who sold me the swimmers, were more supportive and noticed the real you, then we as women would not be facing body issues. She noticed my two children, when I mentioned my stretch marks. I am a woman, and I have had two children. My body is not the same, and it won't ever be the same. It is about acceptance, and removing those hands, to show you.

Having an eating disorder in the past makes me want more than anything to stop my children from ever facing this horrible disease. I think we are the ones who can change the perception of the perfect body. There is no perfect as a whole, aren't we just perfect as one, ourselves? If we are healthy, and feel beautiful on the inside, isn't that enough to shine through for the world to see? It should be enough.

*I did not post an image of myself in my new swimmers. I am not being a chicken, and I promise, I have removed my hands to show all of me. I don't need comments on what I look like. This post is about body issues as a whole, not me. (You can have my brave image with hands).

Monday, August 8, 2011

do you doubt yourself; your abilities

When I write it is always about something that is on my mind. Something that is just sitting there, so I don't take too much time sitting here writing when I need to be working on my businesses, or rockin' the nighttime routine. {I have less than ten minutes to rock this blog post, Banana's in Pyjamas is on}. Today I have only one thing on my mind; running.

In 4 weeks I leave for USA to run a half marathon. The race is on two days before I come home, so the tail end of my trip. This is the first time I have ever competed, and I have a trainer to help me. Yes I am serious. I really believe that I can do this. {Well, honestly today I have had doubt, and I think for me to write, 'I believe I can do this,' will help me get rid of this self doubt}.

Do you believe in yourself. And when you have self doubt, how do you pump yourself up again. Do you look for the support of others around you. Do you have any tips?

I personally believe that you do need to believe in yourself in order for things to happen. People can tell you that you rock until they are blue in the face, but it is you that needs to take those steps to make it happen.

All I can do is put that head up, chest out, run with that heart of mine, and cross that line, after running my own race; mind games.

{My little people believe in me, and I will take that with me}.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

my pile of washing

How do I do it? I get asked this a lot; how I fit it all into my day. How I now have the Lady, and also run the Little, be an ace mum to my little people, be there for my friends, and also be there for myself.

The answer; stuffed if I know! I have a pile of washing to put away, and I won't do it.

I truly do not know how I get through some days, get things done and wake up and do it all over again. But isn't this all of us. Don't we all feel this?

I work when some of you are sitting on your couch watching your favourite flick, or while you are sleeping. I work three days a week completely on my business from 9am until about 3pm. (I do manage to fit a coffee in there too, and a run). The other working days are done with a little person holding my hand.

Every moment that I have my little people by my side, I am mum. There are moments when they do have to be dragged around to the warehouse, to the post office, but who doesn't have to drag their little people around once in a while?

I am a single parent, so this means I may get more "me" time than you might. There are pros and cons to that statement, and this is something I have to suck up each day.

Today I have no little people. Today I have worked, ran, walked, had coffee, done shopping, hung with an ace friend, spoke to a few friends, and I will work some more.

And I will manage to squeeze in a flick. But I will watch mine on the computer, while I work.

This is how I do it. It works. I sometimes do not like it. But I am happy; My little people are happy. And I am there for my friends.

I still have a pile of clean washing to put away. As I am sure most of you do. And I have no doubt your pile will be in the same spot on monday. I know mine will be. I am behind in aspects of my everyday life. I just keep ploughing through it.

There is always something that needs to be done. There is never a dull moment.


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