You can spot me bopping up and down in the deep ocean. I am hanging out the back past the surfers. I bop with the sharks. I bop to the voice of my own head. My voice has a lot to say. It talks about sharks a lot.
"There is no meat on me. That surfer is a bit further to swim, but he has meat on him. Oh crap, maybe sharks are like dogs and love to nibble on bones. Yes, I am in trouble. Hmmm... that is a dark patch under my feet. Just seaweed. Just seaweed. Oh my, I am drifting out to sea! Clearly stuck in a rip!"
I crack up laughing. Seriously I am in fits of laughter. (Not sure what that lonely surfer thought of me)! Why do I laugh as I bop up and down, and think about being nibbled by sharks, and the fact I am in a rip? Stuffed if I know! But I was happy in that moment of fear.
I run in the water. I do not like it. But I also love it. I feel at peace in the water, even hanging with my voice of fears. I can have moments of laying on my back and just being on my own. If I do float out to sea, or get nibbled on by a friendly shark, I will go a very happy woman. A woman that is facing fears head on. Who is loving the person she is.
Bopping to no music, and to the music of my own voice allows me to breathe and live my fears.