Today I am going to tell it like it is. I am going to say more about me as a mother. I share a lot. I have shared a lot over the past 12 months on my struggles, tears and my great times. I wanted to share more about the struggles. Those times as a mum where you walk away from your children and close the door and just cry. It needs to be said. I need to share this so other mothers can see that we all do it. I know we all do it. You can be the best mother around and still wish to not be a mum for a moment, or even a whole day. This is reality. This is the truth. It is hard to be a mum too.
I am not going to be all negative, as it is awesome being a mum, and I love every bit of it. Even the moments of despair. But to get through these moments and to not feel alone I need to put it here. I need to lay naked with my thoughts and my feelings and be open to the fact I find it hard to be a mum sometimes. There are the days I don't want to play the game. I don't want to do the routine of our day. There are times I sit in my room bawling my eyes out. This is ok. It is alright to walk away take a breath and come back and play mum. That moment to compose yourself and let it all out. I guess this is my tantrum. My stamp up and down on the ground tantrum.
The part I do not like is the yelling. I don't like to yell. Actually I hate it. It is not me. But lately I have been yelling. With the other world around me that the children do not see it is all becoming a little stressful. I need to stand up and say this is hard. Say that I am finding it hard, so I can lower the voice and stay calm. My daughter is only 4. I treat her like she is 16 sometimes. Or I expect her to be 16. I need to see her for who she is. I need to spend more time with just her.
It is time for me to say I am a mother. I am a great mother. I am also a mother who has moments of despair. It is time to support other mums. Stop competing. What are we competing for? There is no badge. No trophy. So why not support other mothers. Just because we do things differently does not make one mother better then the other. If a mother is struggling and she has depression. This does not make her a crap mother. This does not make her a psycho. Oh yes I have heard this come out of another mother's mouth. We are all doing the best we can. Support mothers. Make them feel when they are alone crying locked in a bathroom that there are mothers surrounding them with their support. They are not alone. We should not feel alone.
Instead of looking in horror as you see a mother have a moment in public. Look with compassion, and know you too have been there. In your mind you need to wrap your arms around other mums and make them feel like they all have our support. I know this is what I will do. I too hope that others will do it for me.