Today wraps up a week of raw moments. The moments will not stop. They will always be there. This is part of being a parent. I am learning and I have learnt. I am sure I will continue to be hard on myself and have moments of despair. But I will continue to write and talk to other parents. I have found this very helpful. It has given me more an understanding about life as a mum, and how normal I am, and how normal other mums are. We are all trying to do the best we can. We are succeeding more then we will ever give ourselves credit for. To get rid of the guilt will be hard. I think I will have days where it is not here at all, and then there will be days where I am facing it head on. The main thing is to keep going. Keep remembering what is important to me, and to all of us; our little people are it.
The day was pretty good. I accomplished a lot in those small amount of hours we have in our days. I even got to play with friends. I had mummy and Keely time. I had a walk; even if it was a walk to the shops, it was a walk, and time to just be with myself and my thoughts. I had the ipod going with a bit of thriller. Oh please tell me I am not the only one that wants to walk in the middle of the road and bust out some thriller moves. That is the vision I had in my head; me and a bunch of other women and men holding up the traffic and groovin' to Michael Jackson. I love that song.
The house was vacuumed. Dishes were done. The washing pile is sky high in my room. There are no clean sheets on the bed this week. The toothpaste is almost out. The toilet paper is finished, and it is replaced with baby wipes until I shop with the car tomorrow. What ever happened to the two pack of toilet rolls? One has to walk home with a six pack. I opted for the kleenex flush-able wipes; they fitted in my bag. Baked beans for dinner and toast for the little ones, vege curry for myself. Little people asleep in my bed tonight. Trying to get Taj out of his wake at 9pm habit. Maybe he will stay alseep if he knows he is not alone and has Keely to snuggle up to. They fell asleep giggling and snuggled right up against each other. One can only hope.
There is a balance we have as parents. One that we all try to work out. Some of us nail it and have it figured out. I know for me mine is on a rocking scale. One moment I have it all worked out, and it can change in an instant. I go with the flow. I think I lost my flow for a few weeks, and now I am getting it back. My flow is up and down. I have to accept that somedays will be easier then the next. There will be days where nothing gets done around the house, I will yell at the little people, and I will be hard on myself. This does not make me a bad mum. This is just life. It is being a parent.
I will continue to support other mothers, and their parenting styles. I will also continue to be a bit more understanding of the ups and downs of being a mum. Try to be kinder to myself. And most of all be there for my little people. It won't hurt to have that sky high pile of clean washing in my room. At least I enjoyed my little people today.