Push over mum was gone. She was not here today. The easy going mum with the boundaries was here. Feeling sick and glowing in the dark, (aka snotty like a little kid), I was not in the mood for being walked over. I was also in a good mood.
Yesterday I came to the realisation things needed to change around home for my life to become a little smoother. Minimise the stress, which in turn makes for a less snappy mum. Well that is what I hope anyway. I do hope to come out of this week with a better approach to dealing with little people situations without loosing my cool. Got to keep the mum cool. Also I have found writing about it allows me to see and analyse where things might not be working for me, and for them.
Today I started the day new. I did the usual routine. Then once my little people had their daddy I turned my morning upside down. This is usually the time I walk and chill on my own. Instead I stayed at home for the first hour. I knocked an hour worth of little pinwheel work on the head, with a load of washing. I added to the pile of clean clothes in the bedroom. I didn't fold any up. I decided after an hour of chores and work I could give myself my time.
Ideally I was going to spend some time with Keely on her own today. Only 20 minutes worth. Doesn't sound like a lot. But my lovely friend told me over the weekend it is well worth it for them, and for you. It is 20 minutes of undivided attention. You do not have to fully get in there and play. Give them something they love to do, and be there with them while they do their thing. If it be drawing, playing with their favourite toy or being there with them as they ride their bike. I wanted to do this. I need to do this. But the day got turned upside down a little, and before I knew it Keely was throwing a tantrum. Huge tantrum. Scream the house down tantrum. Why?
She was quietly watching her new dvd. Two for one tuesday. I found a lizard downstairs. A big bluey. Thinking I rock, and I need to whip Keely off the couch and do our 20 minutes with our new mate. Thinking I rock was not so. Instead I apparently ruined her dvd. She did not want to see the lizard. Screaming the house down. Flick every bit of her body tantrum. Wakes Taj up. Then so angry he is awake. More tantrum. I take Taj downstairs to meet our new friend. He is chuffed. One happy woken child. Other upstairs still crying. Cuddles and all is ok again.
We all ventured downstairs and talked to our friend. His name is Boy. He is apparently a crab, so Taj tells me. I spent my 20 minutes with Keely. We spend it together with Taj and Boy. I know it was not ideally what I wanted to have happen today. But it is not everyday you meet a crab. It is interesting how you can turn your head to reflect just on this one part of your day. Those 20 minutes. It takes just that one moment to look at the clean washing in my room, look at those dishes that are still in the dishwasher, the dead flowers in the vase, the tantrums, the whinging, the couple of snappy moments, and remove the guilt from motherhood.
There are many faces of motherhood. I wore a few of them today. I glowed like some kind of fluro monster. My little people learnt about a lizard, and now they sleep like babies.
I truly thought I would be more arrgghhh this is my life. But you know I think it is a pretty normal parenting life. I am loving the fact that I can write and feel like I am counseling myself. Like I am teaching myself how to be a better mother for them and for me. The writing and the thinking about my raw life as I live it is making me reflect more before I act. I am sorry if you wanted more of the arrgghhh posts. They still may come. The week is not over. Today I was patient. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I have only one child. I would like to think that means the clean washing gets packed away, and the clean dishes. Chores?..... Chores suck!