Monday, October 11, 2010

the raw mum

So here it goes. The first raw post. I can officially say that today sucked. Today was hard. But the first positive I share is the fact it will help kick off the week of raw mum moments.

I laid in bed this morning with little people cuddling me and rolling all over me knowing already that today would be hard. I was sick with their virus, and they were sick too. Plus I had my period. Maybe too much information, but hey I am here to be raw. It was a super period. Not a regular. This time I was super, and completely unprepared. Thinking regular I had an accident. Luckily I was at home to have my super moment. Keely joined in my moment and asked why mummy had an accident in her knickers. Yes it was time for the period talk. Four point five version of course.

While this was happening Taj was already laying on his bed for his sleep. Very upset I had just taken his boobies away from him. Oh yes they are his. Trust me. His. Once all calm I turned the box on for Keely. Not very happy to, but I had no other choice. It was box time. I packed orders, and did my little pinwheel chores. In between I packed away last nights dishes, did more dishes, and threw washing in the basket. No folding. Just threw it in there. Plonked it on the floor in my room. Where it seems to live right now. I do not iron, so it could be an issue. Not a huge one. We will all be running a crinkled look that day.Trend setters.

In that pile of washing is a pile that has been there all last week. It keeps getting added to. Sometimes I will grab a bunch and pack it away. Then I get over it, get too busy, or distracted, and it goes back in its corner. The dishes I did this morning were added to tonight. I have a dishwasher that is full. Full of clean dishes. I did not have the time to unpack them today. Nor the energy.

Overall I was the push over mummy today. To my advantage my little people did not catch on. Well they did a little. They had a brownie which we shared between the three of us. Remember I have my period, so very much need a naughty right now. Already feel bloated, so adding to the bloat is no issue. I have had my hair pulled. I have been slapped in the face. I have placed Taj on the floor sitting away from me. This is enough for him to know the hair pulling and hitting is not on. Although tomorrow I am sure it will happen again. I have consumed two iced coffees, given them a third of a brownie, a sip of my iced coffee; ok several sips, I have sworn a lot; spell swearing, (I know I will be screwed when Keely can spell), and I have used a raised voice. But no yelling. No energy to yell. I have almost cried. But held back the tears with a lot of phone calls to friends. I have packed orders, I have unpacked new Polka, I have photographed new Polka on Keely, and avoided giving any to Keely.

I escaped the day without having to buy a pony. Oh yes if they asked me today, they would have succeeded. Push over mummy gives anything to make her day easier. Today I had them on a very loose string. Today I also came up with some great ideas. I felt VERY guilty for having my daughter in front of the box. VERY. I am trying to get rid of the guilt of motherhood. That is my plan. So in order to get rid of that. I am going to make changes. Changes that surround my business. The business will not suffer, it will prosper. And the main thing is so will my Keely.

Overall the day sucked, but I have come out the other end with some great ideas. I have connected more with my friends. I have two beautiful little people fast asleep in their beds, and I still love being a mum. See a day that sucked, can also be positive, and that is what I am trying to do. I am going to get rid of the guilt of motherhood. I am going to support other mums. I am also going to try and give myself more credit. Today sucked, but my children still rode their bikes and scooters in the morning and afternoon. They still had a book read to them. They still had me. They had their mum. No matter what mum I was today, they still had me. And that is what I have to tell myself.

And Keely learnt more about a woman's period!

{taj took the image}!


  1. I feel your pain! I was lucky my period didn't return for a whole year after I had my first bub (thank you breastfeeding!) but then it came back with a vengeance! uuugh - luckily I got preggers again not long after so haven't had to deal with the horrors. Remember that these days are few and the good days usually outweigh the yukky ones. YOu are doing a great job mumma!
    p.s. can't wait to get my new saltwaters!! Yippee!

  2. I love this post. And I love your honesty.

    I too am trying to get rid of my motherhood guilt. My daughter is only 5 months old and I am constantly worrying if I am doing enough!

    Thank you for posting this and thank you for your "rawness".

    - Amber x

  3. honest and sometimes true...That feeling of guilt, I never thought it would happen to me...but it happens when you are a mummy if you believe it or not... Thanks for your story, loved reading it :)

  4. I love posts like these, I'm always feeling guilty about my parenting. I let the kids watch tv too more than I should I'm sure. But I play with them a lot and sometimes my house is a mess but the kids are happy.

    My daughter is 7 still haven't had the period talk, I don't even know where to start or how to explain it to her, I'm scared and I want her to stay little forever which is not happening!

  5. Hi Hayley, So nice to know you have days just like mine. I have recently stopped the guilt, I just have to find a positive in everything.

    Nuts he's awake!

  6. Thank you. Your sharing refreshes me!
    You are an exceptional woman, person and mother, even on your sucky days. There are children all over who would kill for a day like that, as it would be better than anything they had had before. So wonderful that you can see the positive and not have the guilt! xx

  7. Is it weird to say that I love you for telling it like it is? This post rings true will me and probably many other mums. Thanks for sharing ...

  8. Beautiful Hayley, so raw & honest. I have been following your blog for a while & just had to comment on this one. Thanks.



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