Wednesday, October 13, 2010

all that matters

It is moments. Moments that matter. All that matter. Those little snippets of time that your little people show you. Sometimes they last seconds, other times they may feel like a whole day. Little pieces of things so beautiful around you. These are the moments we need to savour. We need to hold on to and remember. These are the moments that will help me be a mum.

Why not. I am trying so hard this week to figure out how to be better. How to manage time to be there more. Really be there. Not just in the background doing dishes, or folding laundry. I want to and need to really be there. We have our time. Our time between Taj's sleep. But I feel this is not enough. These times are beautiful and totally awesome. They come with distraction. They come with other elements. I want to take 20 minutes. Just 20 whole minutes a day. Sit there, stand there, jump there; just to be there. Completely there for both of my children.

40. That is all. 40 whole minutes I need to find. I will find. I will time manage my day. I will let those dishes sit in the dishwasher, and that washing pile up in my room to be there for them. Time will stand still for me. It stands still for them everyday. Nothing else matters. That lizard was all that mattered yesterday. It was it. Boy was their world. I want to be in that world. Everyday. To see what they see. To feel what they feel.

I said it to a friend the other week that I feel all of me. I can feel every part of my body. I walk and I feel my feet hitting the ground. I feel my fingers through the air. I want to feel this with them. Feel this complete relaxation with my children. Feel what they feel. I have no doubt they feel this all the time. They feel everything. We should feel everything.

I say stuff the chores. Stuff them for 40 minutes. Make the time. It stands still for little people. I am going to make it stand still for me.


  1. I came here from PMM and just read a whole bunch of your raw mum posts. Thanks for writing them- to read your experiences and realisations along the way was so very helpful. I was sitting here nodding my head as I read.

    I have just had baby 3 (only 6 weeks old!) and am trying to find our new rhythm, and I can so relate to a lot of what you are writing about!

    (Plus I have about 3 loads of washing to put away, so I can especially relate to that!)

  2. the chores are an internal battle of mine- which ones, how much, how often, instead of ?, etc.



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