Have you ever been told how to parent your children? I have. I actually have several times. Mostly by people who obviously think they are experts in parenting. People that assume they know my children. That know me. That believe they think they know what is best for them. I am sure you all answered yes. I don't think there is a mother around that would have said no. If there is, well lucky you! You have been given the best card in mother monopoly.
I was told over the weekend.
"Pick him up. You are spoiling him. Children these days are spoilt. Pick him up and let him have his tantrum. Take him in your home and let him let it all out. Teach him he cannot have it his way. Children get everything given to them. They are wrapped in cotton wool. That is the problem, children have rights, they should not have rights. What happens if he has the tantrum in the middle of the road, are you going to leave him there for a truck to ride over him."
I personally believe with my children it suits them best to ride it out. Taj just lays there. Lays in silence. When he is ready he tells me he wants a cuddle. I pick him up and it is all over. I have been told this is spoiling him. I should pick him up, let him kick and scream and take him inside my home and let him scream his head off in there. Teach him it is not the right thing to lay on the ground and have his moment. We are spoiling our children. So I have been told.
I believe we all have our way of parenting. Every child is different. I believe I am not spoiling him. I also believe they need to let off their steam. I buy a coffee and take a deep breath, sometimes several, or I walk, or run. That is how I let off my steam. That is my tantrum. He needs to have his. He needs to let it out. I am lucky he lets it out in silence. If I pick him up then he lets the legs fly and screams. So why would I pick him up?
Spoilt child.
I couldn't agree with you more Hayley. Great post. Other people (especially other mums) are quick to give the hairy eyeball. We should be supporting our fellow sisters and giving encouragement.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, every since becoming a Mama I've realised more than ever how we are 'public' property, open for judgement and comment. I politely told a stranger to back off last week after she said that Lenny (baby, teething Lenny) shouldn't be sucking on my wallet as I was buying bread. I felt empowered and good about my choice to put her in her spot. We all parent how we choose and what we deem best for our kids. Sounds like your approach is a fab one and if it works for you and your little guy, then it is right. x
ReplyDeleteMate, it's easily forgotten that kids are human like the rest of us. We all get in pickles and we all need acceptance and love. Go hayley, you show them.
ReplyDeleteOh how I hate it when other people chip in. It's always easier to parent other peoples' children and the best parents are also always the ones without children. As you mention above, every child is different and therefore everyone has to parent the way they want.
ReplyDeleteI could have written this post myself. I think a little empathy could go a long way for some people... how difficult and frustrating life must be when you are a toddler or small child. 'Spoiling' a child is just letting them have their way at all times because they have a tanty. Being a good parent is about not giving in (all the time), but understanding their frustration and letting them do what they need to do to work through their feelings, and being their to comfort them when they are ready. Taj and Keely are very lucky to have such a wonderful, empathetic Mamma. xo
ReplyDeletePS - get that boy out of your bed now or you never will, don't you know that when he is an adult he is going to be wanting to bring his girlfriends home to sleep in bed with you? :D
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I agree that it should be between parent and child. Who knows them better than their Mum or Dad?! I can't believe how some people think they have the right to judge and criticise parenting techniques! Do they tell strangers how to dress, what to eat etc? Then don't tell them how to raise their children!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Habbles. I can't believe someone had the nerve to say that to you. You are a great mumma. You know that. Taj is one of the most loveliest gentlest little boys i've ever met, so clearly you are doing a superb job! xxx
ReplyDeletePeople are weird.
ReplyDeleteMy favourite worst parenting moment was in a Post Office. Noah was having a full on tantrum. I was letting him go for it, while I waited in line without saying anything. A little old lady glared at me and shook her head. MEH!
Don't sweat it.
Lucky Taj has his tantrum quietly. My Tristan 2 years old lets everyone know he is not happy and we just let him be. Once he's done he gets up and wiping tears away says, "I feel better now." Then it's done and over and in kid friendly I explain to him why it's not ok to push or whatever it is he did. My daughter on the other hand, my goodness she is 7 and still throws full blown tantrums but I send her to her room to do her screaming. Once she's done she comes out. It's hard there are days where all the screaming gets to me and I start yelling but in public my kids have thrown many tantrums and it's usually women who give the dirty looks and some are the older women like they forgot what's it like to deal with little kids. It happened to me just yesterday at the store, Tristan was being very loud but was happily talking and singing loud and this lady up ahead turned around and gave me the dirtiest look.
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