Friday, April 2, 2010

the search: where to now?

I received the phone call yesterday, the phone call I was not expecting. Well I was expecting, but not with the same outcome. I had hope! I am on a very emotional rollercoaster already with giving my mum her wish and now the ride just got a little bumpier. Today I was also going to share with you the hunt for the perfect decor for my children's shared space, but I will share this next week. As I need to write to get this off my chest. It always makes me feel better to write; placing words on this blank space just seems to let all of the pressure of my emotions and feelings burst out.

As you most of you would know I am searching for my biological father. So in a nutshell, I was adopted and this is the one person I would really love to find. I would love to have the relationship I never had and to see what it feels like to have a father in my life. The search was up to the point where he had placed his name on the Reunion Registry about 8 years ago now and when they do this, they leave their last known address. The agency then compiles a letter that they send to him outlining that I have also placed my name on the registry and I would like to meet him. I was told that it would take the month and I would know at the end of March if he was still interested in meeting me. I was told that the letter may come back to them unopened due to him moving and not notifying them with new contact details.

Yesterday they rang me. I was told that the letter had come back to them and that I would now have to conduct some searches on my own. The Adoption Law allows me to have access to his last known address after initial contact is attempted and failed.

I was instantly sad, felt let down and hopeless. I felt that I had hit a brick wall, and I am sure with a week of big emotions I was feeling it a lot more. I actually have not told anyone about this phone call. You are all the first to know. Like I said, writing is something that allows me to get rid of this pressure before it does burst. So I hope you all don't mind knowing before anyone else in my life!

She continued to tell me my options and where I could go from here with the knowledge of his last known address. With such a common name I knew a google search or facebook search was out of the question. So instead I looked up his last address and saw where it was on the map. Once I knew where he used to live I then went onto the white pages (telephone directory) and put in his details with that town. Up came two people with that surname and initial. I thought this was pretty good considering his common name.

I did a google map search and found one was a nursing home, so that was out of the question and the other was in a town not far from his last known address. It is so close it may just be him. I cannot tell you how much I have wanted to pick up the phone and just ring the number. But what do I say and really it is probably not the right thing to do. I am now at a bit of a loss, but I am sure I will find my way again and continue to search for my father. I may just have to write a letter to that address and see what happens. I have the letter I have written him sitting here, waiting. Maybe it is time?


  1. All I can say is hang in there & hold on to your hope. I went through this with my husband as he was adopted - in the end he met his 'birth' father & it all worked out. Thinking of you & thanks for sharing X

  2. I say pick up the phone and ring. I have a very good friend at work who was searching for her real mother. Similar story, found a phone number and actually rang while I was at work with her. She just said hi, this is my name, and I am looking for my mother could it possibly be you. Her mother said maybe, and after a few questions they discovered it was her. So they met up, and haven't looked back since. She now has an extra couple of brothers which she adores. So based on that, I say ring and put yourself out of your misery xxx If he was on the register he really wanted to find you, so all will be good :0)

  3. wow hayley, what a mega emotional week for you. thanks for sharing it with us all. i'm sure everyone else who reads and follows your blog feels so much love for you and what you are going through right now, just like i do. we all can help in being your strength, and are here for you when you need to vent and release your feelings through your blog.

    i'm not sure what i would be doing in your situation with your dad. but i think maybe writing a letter, maybe not THE letter, and sending to the address you have might be a good start.

    thinking of you xx

  4. my heart is in my throat after reading your post. if it was me, i'd be picking up the phone. i couldn't not know if it was him or not. and even if it isn't at least you know for sure and can then decide if you want to extend your search. good luck. xo

  5. Hmm its a tricky one... I'd probably pick up the phone because I couldn't stand the suspense of waiting for the letter to arrive. Good luck with this, and happy Easter.

  6. Hayley, thanks so much for sharing with us! I know whatever you decide to do, you will find him soon! :)

  7. I have been reading your beautiful blog for a wee while now and have never left a comment but as an adopted person (who coincidently is also married to another adopted person)I felt compelled to do so. I would advise against a phone call. The phone call that you have received about your father was unexpected. Emotional. A phone call from you to him would also be unexpected. I experienced something similar and it was a terrible shock and did not have a great outcome. A letter would have been more 'well received' and allows the receiver to gather thoughts and emotions before responding. You have waited this long, another few weeks will be ok. take care, tis an emotional ride. x

  8. Praying you work out the best way to move forward with this one Hayley. Blessings



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