the search: where to now?

I received the phone call yesterday, the phone call I was not expecting. Well I was expecting, but not with the same outcome. I had hope! I am on a very emotional rollercoaster already with giving my mum her wish and now the ride just got a little bumpier. Today I was also going to share with you the hunt for the perfect decor for my children's shared space, but I will share this next week. As I need to write to get this off my chest. It always makes me feel better to write; placing words on this blank space just seems to let all of the pressure of my emotions and feelings burst out.

As you most of you would know I am searching for my biological father. So in a nutshell, I was adopted and this is the one person I would really love to find. I would love to have the relationship I never had and to see what it feels like to have a father in my life. The search was up to the point where he had placed his name on the Reunion Registry about 8 years ago now and when they do this, they leave their last known address. The agency then compiles a letter that they send to him outlining that I have also placed my name on the registry and I would like to meet him. I was told that it would take the month and I would know at the end of March if he was still interested in meeting me. I was told that the letter may come back to them unopened due to him moving and not notifying them with new contact details.

Yesterday they rang me. I was told that the letter had come back to them and that I would now have to conduct some searches on my own. The Adoption Law allows me to have access to his last known address after initial contact is attempted and failed.

I was instantly sad, felt let down and hopeless. I felt that I had hit a brick wall, and I am sure with a week of big emotions I was feeling it a lot more. I actually have not told anyone about this phone call. You are all the first to know. Like I said, writing is something that allows me to get rid of this pressure before it does burst. So I hope you all don't mind knowing before anyone else in my life!

She continued to tell me my options and where I could go from here with the knowledge of his last known address. With such a common name I knew a google search or facebook search was out of the question. So instead I looked up his last address and saw where it was on the map. Once I knew where he used to live I then went onto the white pages (telephone directory) and put in his details with that town. Up came two people with that surname and initial. I thought this was pretty good considering his common name.

I did a google map search and found one was a nursing home, so that was out of the question and the other was in a town not far from his last known address. It is so close it may just be him. I cannot tell you how much I have wanted to pick up the phone and just ring the number. But what do I say and really it is probably not the right thing to do. I am now at a bit of a loss, but I am sure I will find my way again and continue to search for my father. I may just have to write a letter to that address and see what happens. I have the letter I have written him sitting here, waiting. Maybe it is time?