hello mumso!

I thought today I would share with you how my day was yesterday. As most of you would know it was a hard day too, along with being a great day for my business. Not only was it Little Pinwheel's birthday but it was my mums' birthday too, who I lost over three years ago. It was her wish to have her ashes scattered in the ocean and I thought her birthday would be a good day to give her this peace, and me.

Before Taj and I went for our morning coffee we went to the shops to buy mum's favourite flowers, white tiger lilies. We then went down the beach, with the umbrella, and went to the point and placed a flower each into the ocean. It was lovely as we stood right where the water would wash up and hit our feet and then pull back out again. It was the perfect spot to put our flowers as they were instantly washed out to sea. It was raining and we didn't hold the umbrella for this part. We just stood in the rain and to be honest I didn't even feel it. It was like we were not even there. We then went together to have our coffee.

The afternoon cleared up and I knew once Taj was up that I had to do it. I had to scatter the ashes. Not only for mum, but for me. I never thought something so painful could also be so beautiful. To have my son with me, holding nan-nan in his hand and softly putting her in the sea is something I will never forget. Afterwards Taj put his hand in mine. It was beautiful. He has no idea what that felt for me to have his hand in mine. For Taj to do that right at the end is special.

Taj and I had cake for mum and just sat on the beach, (mum would have loved this part.... we used to share a sandwich for lunch so we could then share a cake, our way of justifying the cake). I cried and Taj did some beach cooking. I could not have spent it any other way, but to have Keely with me also would have been nice. I am sure this is something her and I can do one day too. I know she would like that. Keely did put a flower in the ocean with her dad down the south coast for her nan-nan.

I need my mum more then ever right now as I am in a different phase in my life. I know doing this I have become a lot closer to her then I could ever had imagined. She is holding my hand and helping me have the strength to be a great mum.