Thursday, April 8, 2010

hello mumso!

I thought today I would share with you how my day was yesterday. As most of you would know it was a hard day too, along with being a great day for my business. Not only was it Little Pinwheel's birthday but it was my mums' birthday too, who I lost over three years ago. It was her wish to have her ashes scattered in the ocean and I thought her birthday would be a good day to give her this peace, and me.

Before Taj and I went for our morning coffee we went to the shops to buy mum's favourite flowers, white tiger lilies. We then went down the beach, with the umbrella, and went to the point and placed a flower each into the ocean. It was lovely as we stood right where the water would wash up and hit our feet and then pull back out again. It was the perfect spot to put our flowers as they were instantly washed out to sea. It was raining and we didn't hold the umbrella for this part. We just stood in the rain and to be honest I didn't even feel it. It was like we were not even there. We then went together to have our coffee.

The afternoon cleared up and I knew once Taj was up that I had to do it. I had to scatter the ashes. Not only for mum, but for me. I never thought something so painful could also be so beautiful. To have my son with me, holding nan-nan in his hand and softly putting her in the sea is something I will never forget. Afterwards Taj put his hand in mine. It was beautiful. He has no idea what that felt for me to have his hand in mine. For Taj to do that right at the end is special.

Taj and I had cake for mum and just sat on the beach, (mum would have loved this part.... we used to share a sandwich for lunch so we could then share a cake, our way of justifying the cake). I cried and Taj did some beach cooking. I could not have spent it any other way, but to have Keely with me also would have been nice. I am sure this is something her and I can do one day too. I know she would like that. Keely did put a flower in the ocean with her dad down the south coast for her nan-nan.

I need my mum more then ever right now as I am in a different phase in my life. I know doing this I have become a lot closer to her then I could ever had imagined. She is holding my hand and helping me have the strength to be a great mum.


  1. and that you are, an exceptional, fabulous mum. love to you xx

  2. You are a fab mum and your mother is always there with you in everything you do.
    I had a few tears too reading your lovely post.
    Big hugs and ♥
    Vicki X

  3. I can't imagine how hard it is to lose your Mum. I am so glad that you had your little man with you at such an important moment. Thinking of you xx

  4. My god, you are making me cry too x Even though it is such a sad thing to do, I'm so happy it was a beautiful moment shared with your little man. Lots of love & hugs xxxxx

  5. Hayley
    This is beautiful. I shed a little tear reading about this, but am glad you have put part of 'Joanie' where she wanted to be. I sent you an email yesterday. Love & kisses Gay XXXX

  6. oh Taj - bless your little heart ! I cant imagine how you must feel Hayley, you are very brave. Im so glad you have your two amazing, loving children right by your side to give you all these beautiful moments like little Taj did yesterday. Lots of love to you xx

  7. Much love and strength to you Hayley. That was just beautiful to read xxx

  8. You brought tears to my eyes reading this. x

  9. Reading this today, on my mum's birthday brought me to tears. I'm lucky to stil have my Mum with me - sometimes I have to emeber to appreciate her more. A beautiful post - what a beautiful lttel boy too. They don't realise how special the little things they do are. xx

  10. It sounded like a very special day. I'm sure she was there with you that day to keep you strong. I also hope you find your biological father. Wishing you all the best. Thanks for sharing your inspring story.



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