Right now I miss her. I can feel her though. Feel her wrapping her arms around me, and that soft squishy cheek up against mine.
That is one thing my mum had. She had the most amazing skin. Like a babies bottom. She was not a cuddly person, but when you got them, they were awesome. They took everything away, and put a whole lot back.
I am not sure what has happened to me in this process of grief, but I can completely feel her here. I can feel her wrapping her arms around me when I need them. She is inside me. She is part of who I am. This gives me strength and love that I truly did not know I could have.
My life is a little scary right now. I sleep with fear every night. But I wake up knowing that I can get through the day as she is right here walking with me. She is here to help me build a home for my children. To be successful. To be happy. And to smack me when I am being down on myself.
Tomorrow is valentines day. I didn't even know. Sad isn't it, but I didn't. (ok maybe not that sad)! It is a day that has not been celebrated for years, or even acknowledged; I acknowledged it today. I went and put an orchid in the water for my mum today. It was my way of putting love back into me. Loving the person I am, and accepting that I am me. A person that walks through life with her mum holding her together on the inside.
Love is what you make it. I make it every part of me.
Happy love day!