lovers

I gave in to temptation. I am in love again. We are dating like two cheeky teenagers. I am going to see him everyday.

Latte.

He is pretty awesome. He takes the edge off. He sees me every morning. And says very little. Sometimes words are too much.Our relationship blossomed instantly; we like the same things. We both enjoy people watching. And being in the moment. I have no doubt we will be together for a very long time.

Coffee.

sleep working

There has been a lot of yawning in the little pinwheel home in the past week, and I must say I am hoping for a little less this week. I have personally had intense tiredness, to the point of having nanna naps with my little people as they drift off to sleep in the evening. It is awesome, but then I get second wind and cannot sleep when I go to bed at midnight.

I am not the only person yawning. Keely has been struggling and it is sad to see such a little person so exhausted from all her stimulation at school. She is that tired that the tantrums have been in full swing, and there have been floods of tears. We have both handled it quite well, and worked through it together. But to see my little girl almost sleeping on the couch on saturday was hard. That is harder to handle than a tantrum. I can take a tantrum. I soon had her curled up on my bed for a sleep. My girl has not had a day sleep since she was 2 years old.

School knocks them for six. My parenting has changed. My routines have changed with my little people. It is all very chilled out. No full on stimulation. Lots of beach loving, and curled up time on the couch. The stimulation is coming from the school, and school work we do at home. That is enough for now.

This week will be different. I think I am having coffee tomorrow. Yes, I am unsure if I will or not. I am considering another week on the cleanse. The head feels awesome, and so clear. A week without it has been great. It is however my one vice. My one thing that gets me through as a parent. I love it!

I hope Keely will be able to take more after school and weekend fun this week, but for now we will go with the flow. It is the way we roll, and the flow seems to work for us. The fun is still here, just a little different fun.

coffee coffee coffee! {not sure if the chanting is working, but I will see what monday morning brings; go with the flow}

time to dance

Rock on, its friday! That means the weekend is breathing down our necks, and it feels awesome. I am a little bit happy. Actually I am very happy. This cleanse is clearing the body more than I would ever think. The mind is so clear and I am feeling gentle in my personality. I was always gentle, but there is no room for any anger that we sometimes have in our everyday mum lives. There is something about feeling so in tune with your body and your thoughts. It is somewhat spiritual, and peaceful.

I am looking forward to having a coffee, but I am also not missing it. I miss the people watching, and seeing the same people I see each day. It is the little community of locals I am missing. Although I have been people watching while I run each morning. It is nice to get the same high fives and greetings each day. Today I mixed it up a little and ran at sunrise. I still received the same morning happiness from different locals. It is truly a beautiful way to start the day.

Kick of your weekend with this awesome, and healthy friday treat that I cooked up and photographed for the lovely Nat yesterday, Apple and Peach crumble. It is as good as it looks, and still sweet with no sugar. I had semi dried figs and almonds in mine, and the figs were the flavour bomb. Enjoy!

to be success

I have a good feeling. Like things are just warming up for me. I can feel success. I felt it coming at the end of last year, and this year being the year of opportunities, I feel this year is the year for me to power ahead. I have worked so hard to get to where I am, and I do have to pat myself on the back, just a little. This is something I am not that great at, but I am learning to take the compliments and to also believe them myself.

This business is hard. There is no doubt about that. There is a lot of sugar coating that people put on it, and yes there is a lot of sugar, but there is also a lot of stress and some tears. I am up late every night, when I should be either in bed, or watching some tv, and having some chill out time. I however love every minute of it, and my heart is still completely in my business. It is the way I roll, and it seems to be paying off. I have some awesome regular customers, and new people everyday. It is nice to give people a part of me in their orders. Customer service has been my big thing, and one thing my mum taught me in small business. She also taught me that word of mouth is the biggest form of business. She is right.

My mum grew a cleaning business that she started from nothing. She had just walked out on her job and had 3 children to support on her own. She started domestic cleaning in Canberra, and soon turned a word of mouth business into a successful cleaning business that worked for the real estate agencies in Canberra. Mum soon snapped up a contract with the American Embassy to do their end of lease cleans for their properties in Canberra. This was huge, and was the icing on the cake for her business. She did not love to clean toilets, and would tell me this everyday. ("Hayley do you think I like to clean people's shit")?!! But her love was her children, and that was enough for her to get up each day and do what she did, and love it her way.

I get up each day for the love of what I have built. I launched the business on my mum's birthday, and I will continue to love her, as I do Little Pinwheel. Success is what you make it. I am making it with a whole lot of heart.

Mum's cleaning business was called, Sparkles Cleaning Service, and unfortunately died when she did. But I have taken that sparkle and added it to Little Pinwheel.

I can cook

I was never a good cook. Well maybe it was the fact I did not enjoy it so much. I was the woman that wanted the dinner whizzed up in seconds and in my mouth quicker than you could dish it up. I love good food, but also love it to not take forever. The cleanse has changed this a little for me. I still love good food, but I can now cook! Yes, I am into the whole preparation and cooking thing. I am enjoying the meals that take me up to 40 minutes to have in my mouth.

fresh shiitake and barley soup

Thank you Nat for sending through recipes that are not only awesome in taste, but have also changed my view on cooking.

Free to awesome person, one single woman, with two rockin' little people, that can {now} cook!

shhhhh!

Tired. Day 2 and the tiredness is intense. Otherwise I feel awesome. No headache. No craving for coffee. Just a craving for my bed and pillow.

It is times like this I wish my little people would bath themselves, and put themselves to bed.

Or bath me and put me to bed!

all kinds of awesome

Day two of the cleanse and I feel awesome! I feel incredible. This day last time I felt so sick. This time I feel awesome. I feel like I felt on day 4. I believe not introducing sugar back into my diet has helped me a lot, and the fact I am exercising.

this is what I cooked up yesterday, and what I am eating!

It is a beautiful thing to be in some kind of control of your body. To now look at food and not feel fear is awesome. To feel like me. To feel this immense amount of happiness is beautiful. I cannot thank Nat enough for what she has done for me as a friend and as a naturopath. Clever lady!

A question I received on the blog yesterday: "why do you never show your teeth when you smile?"

Answer: because I had an eating disorder that destroyed my teeth. I did however buy two new teeth that have given me confidence. I do smile with my teeth and laugh a lot. I just choose to have a big lip smile in photos. Everyone has a preference when it comes to photos. This is my preference. I do have teeth!

a success for both

My little guy rocked it. He loved it. He loved playing. He loved crafting. He loved cuddles with his carers; so much he fell asleep on one of their laps. He burst into tears when he saw me. He burst into tears and giggled at the same time. I cried.

A success for Taj, a success for mum. First business woman monday, and big boy monday complete.

{I am doing really well on my first day of my cleanse. I am unfortunately coming down from my adrenalin rush, and now not living off the sheer excitement of my life. Now I am going to curl up and listen to my bodies needs. And it is not coffee. It is rest, and sleep}.

ready set . sleep

Timing is everything in life. You can fly by the seat of your pants with some things, but there are things that you need to have in some kind of order. I believe I might have my order all out of whack. I did not time my week last week very well, and I am doing it again this week. Although maybe it is a good thing?

I am starting the cleanse tomorrow with my awesome friend Nat, and a whole bunch of people. It is going to be fabulous. There is no doubt it helped me last time. This time it is all about staying in tune to my body and feeling in some kind of control. Although to do this at the same time as taking my son to his first day of preschool, writing orders for next summer, and stocktaking is probably not the ideal.

I believe that staying healthy during this crazy week has allowed me to run purely on the adrenalin and not burn out. I have listened to when I have been hungry and refueled with awesome, healthy food. To be in tune with ones body is such a beautiful feeling; it gives you confidence.

Although in saying all of this, I did fall over late last night, and in a separate occasion smacked my head into the wall, causing an egg to appear near my eye. I think my body is telling me something.

Sleep. Rest. Breathe....slow down!

Ready. Set. Cleanse

rockin' the pop

We rocked the pop and popped the rock. What an awesome day with lovely friends, customers and new friends. It has taken a lot out of me, but I must say I am still on some kind of an adrenalin rush. I have no idea when it is going to crash and burn for me. For now I am riding the wave, and actually loving every minute of it. I am running like some kind of 80s super star jogger,(picture the full sweat band across my head, high ponytail, matching wrist bands and some cheeky terry toweling shorts with stripe down the sides. Looking good)! Not too sure about looking good, but for now I am feeling awesome.

Lexi was all kinds of awesome. She was rocking the floor to some classic beach boys. We had the three amigos enter. They were the full dodge. There was no way they were shopping for little people, but we kept our cool and stared them down like two cowboys in a western movie.

We had a special delivery Barefoot coffee, and Adriano Zumbo almond croissant from Sophie. (Thank you)! Not a great lead up to the cleanse on monday, but hey still got time to clear the coffee out, and there is always the cold turkey option; again.

I am writing a little random, so that might be a sign of my true tiredness. One can only hope I have another good 72 hours of this. Have to make it to the city again tomorrow early for more work, but I will be back with plenty of time for the lunchtime siesta, or curl up on the beach.

Rock the pop!

{huge thank you to you Lexi.... love x}

little pinwheel pop up sale pops (dots) me up

I am pumped. Not your pump class at the gym pumped, but pumped. Pumped for the day ahead tomorrow. Pumped to rock it with Lexi from PottyMouthMama, and pumped to keep dancing my heart on the outside. (That in itself is awesome. To dance from the inside out is bringing me even more happiness, and the "noticing" from the opposite sex, is the greatest compliment for a woman).

Adrenalin has kicked in. It kicked in at 6am this morning as my phone chirped away after a 3 hour sleep. My head was racing with the things I needed to do, and I got in and started. Although it did take a coffee, some sea air, and a bit of fuel to get me going. But once that was soaked in, I was going off like a frog in a sock; that much that I needed to run before I received Taj back. I also ran the fastest soft sand, and with no asthma, which goes to show what adrenalin can do to ones body.

I have spotted, and dotted everything for the sale. There is no doubt I am ready. One can only hope that as that alarm chirps in the morning that I am as pumped as I was today. The wall is there, and hopefully I will crash into it on sunday lunchtime. A good time for an afternoon siesta, or a curl up with a good book.

Come join in the craziness tomorrow and rock it with Lexi and I.

I am a survivor of instyle

I flew by the seat of my pants today. I survived the city, and I did it completely in style. There were no tears. I went back streets, no map and still managed to get to all of my destinations. That is very unlike me, so it was a bit of an awesome day with that alone. I saw some great summer ranges for summer 11, and I also had a great laugh with the lovely sales reps. I love what I do, and I could not think of doing anything else. I am however exhausted, but still have a lot of work to do tonight with the lead up to this saturday's pop up sale.

I rolled with my orange salts and knee high socks. There is no doubt I turned heads. I am not sure if it was because they thought I was a freak, or cause they thought it was pretty cool. I did however receive some comments to my face, and one that has stuck in my head is, "Hayley, you look hot, what a cool stylish lady!" Rock on to compliments, and to a day playing boss to Little Pinwheel. It is interesting to feel more tired then when I have my little people to tackle the whole day.

I think I will be pulling an all night job. Have not done this for a really long time. Any pointers? No coffee allowed though as come Monday I am on my cleanse, and I am a coffee snob and have none at home.

The stand out for displays at Kids Instyle would have to be Heavenly Creatures. The images above with the book and the mirror are all props used for their display. Divine.

who's the boss

Tomorrow I am playing little pinwheel boss and not little people boss. I am really looking forward to hopping in my car in the late morning and going to the other side to the city. Maybe some top 40 teeny bop music playing with the air surfing arm out the window to help with the trip over the bridge. It is that time of the year that I buy for my online store. I am looking at ranges for next summer, which will be fun.

little people modeling new season minti

My showings this season are all over the place, and will require a bit of moving about the city. I am a good driver, but I suck at driving in the city. I always get lost! Honestly I do. I am not a map girl. I am not a tom tom girl either. I just fly solo and hope for the best! I do however check out the map online before I venture out, and there is always the iphone to help if I start to cry. Tears are likely to fall.

Watch out city, cause the crazy geek from little pinwheel is coming and no doubt will be driving with no hands as she takes photos of her feet, while wearing some awesome saltwater sandals with socks on.

"to be love"

Sometimes I look at my children and I pinch myself. Ok, maybe it is all the time. Everyday at least I have a moment where I cannot believe that they are mine. On sunday late afternoon I had this conversation with Keely.

Keely: "mummy why are you having a shower now? Can I open the door?"

me: "Yes sure. Mummy is having a shower because I had a bit of a sad day."

Keely: "is it because you don't want to be alone?"

me: "what do you mean, alone?"

Keely: "to be love mum. You to be with someone."

me: "do you want mummy to be with someone. To have someone to love her, and mum to be in love?"

Keely: (with a cute smile, and walking out the door, after drawing love hearts on the shower door), "yes mum to be love."

I have never had the conversation with my children, or even around my children about where I stand in life with the whole love for me subject. I keep this to myself a lot. Besides sharing it here sometimes to strangers, I keep it very close to my own heart. That is a very personal part of me. To have my daughter see that part of me without any conversation over it, makes me see her personality in a completely new way. I am happy to see that my daughter is growing up with my heart. A heart she clearly wears on her sleeve.

I am happy with myself. That is my love.

rock on the the guilt

There comes a time when you have to set your little people free. You have to allow them to be without you. This day is one that breaks me a little inside. I love being that mum that is totally there for them at home each day. With one at kindy full time now the home is a little quiet, and lonely for the little one left at home.

I have no doubt I am an awesome mum. Actually I know I am. I am such a beautiful mum to my little people, and that shows with their personalities.

Taj is starting pre school, or daycare, whatever you want to call it, next week. I am a little sad. I am also a little excited. He is going as his mumma needs to make a beautiful life for him and his sister. He is going so I can be more successful in business. I feel a little guilty but I think that is very normal. I am pretty sure they call that the classic "mother's guilt." I would still feel the same if he was 3 or 4 years old. Instead he is 2 and 4 months. But sometimes we as parents need to do this for them, and for ourselves.

My little people rock, and I am now setting them free a little so I can make more steps for an awesome future.

rock on to mother's guilt!

(for the record it is only one day, and I am feeling the guilt)!

love (me) day

Right now I miss her. I can feel her though. Feel her wrapping her arms around me, and that soft squishy cheek up against mine.

That is one thing my mum had. She had the most amazing skin. Like a babies bottom. She was not a cuddly person, but when you got them, they were awesome. They took everything away, and put a whole lot back.

I am not sure what has happened to me in this process of grief, but I can completely feel her here. I can feel her wrapping her arms around me when I need them. She is inside me. She is part of who I am. This gives me strength and love that I truly did not know I could have.

My life is a little scary right now. I sleep with fear every night. But I wake up knowing that I can get through the day as she is right here walking with me. She is here to help me build a home for my children. To be successful. To be happy. And to smack me when I am being down on myself.

Tomorrow is valentines day. I didn't even know. Sad isn't it, but I didn't. (ok maybe not that sad)! It is a day that has not been celebrated for years, or even acknowledged; I acknowledged it today. I went and put an orchid in the water for my mum today. It was my way of putting love back into me. Loving the person I am, and accepting that I am me. A person that walks through life with her mum holding her together on the inside.

Love is what you make it. I make it every part of me.

Happy love day!

no fun friday

It is friday! That for me means flick friday. There is no doubt I have to get Saturday Night Fever, and watch that at the same time as doing my BAS. Not a fan of the whole paperwork side of my friday night, but these things have to be done, and I have no one to bribe.

Last weekend I was meant to be competing in the local fun run. I was unable to compete due to my doctor putting her foot down. Although I must say I have been running most days, and starting to feel somewhat normal again. I have my moments with acute asthma attacks, but nothing like I did a few weeks ago.

I watched the runners go past my street, and I wanted to run with them. It was hard to watch and not compete, but one has to look after their health a little. That sounds like I am contradicting myself as I am putting those feet on the sand every morning and doing my forest gump thing.

I love running. My doctor does not love it. She does not understand it. I understand it, and feel awesome.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend. I am hitting the dance floor, and will be learning my moves tonight, along with a rockin' John Travolta walk, to go with it!

calico and ivy

Last weekend I photographed a beautiful and quaint shop in Balmain, Calico and Ivy. I drove up and could not believe my eyes.

The big number 10, and the most gorgeous woman outside with the biggest smile waving at me. Sarah is the face behind the shop here in Sydney. There is also one in Perth, where the owner, Vanessa lives. Sarah is full of personality, and spark. She has a way with people, she is such a classy lady, and so talented behind the sewing machine.

When I walked inside I was hit with the wow factor. There were some pieces that Sarah had sewn herself, and I was begging her to make some things for Little Pinwheel... I am still begging!

I wish I could sew! Why is it that creative people wish they were awesome at all things creative?

The trip across to the other side of the bridge was awesome. Tunes were playing, and a coffee at arms reach. I could get used to Sunday road trips, especially if I get to meet people like Sarah, and discover cute shops.

I will share more images once they are in print. {Thank you Lexi x}

little pinwheel POP UP sale

rock on to awesome sales. rock on to awesome fun we are going to have on this one day on february 19. come and say hi. come and grab a bargain. located at the studio, 2 wattle st, north manly (cnr harbord rd, above aluminum warehouse), from 8am until 4pm. cash and eftpos facilities available.

slap us a high five!

I was here for the 500

Today marks 500 posts. That is 500 times I have sat here and written something about me, about things that are happening around me, or happening to someone else. My life has changed a lot in these 500 posts, and it will continue to change in every post. I believe each day we discover new things that in turn change us in someway. Well I know for me this is what happens to me. It might be as simple as talking to someone new, seeing something happen in you day that may be a little different, or it could be a full life changing event.

I have discovered that I like to write a lot when it comes to saying one thing. Something that could be said in one or two sentences is said in a whole chapter of a book. I love writing, and it has become my thing. Something that has changed me, and changed the way I look at different things. It is easy for me to put words down. But if you asked me to say it out of my mouth it can be a little harder.

Thank you for reading chapters from the book of my life.

Rock on to the 500! x

night fever

I am going out on saturday night. I am going to boogie. Dance like it is the 90s, or even a bit of 80s styling. I think I might suck a little on the dance floor, but hey the ugly lights are off and there will be that many waving arms and legs no one will notice me.

I have no idea what I am going to wear. I don't really go out too much. I do the dinner thing, and usually do the nanna styling by crawling into bed before midnight. I might even have to go shopping for something new. A new little number to rock the night away. I don't really drink so it will be all about having a laugh and a great night with awesome friends. But I am not going to drive.

I don't do makeup. I have to admit the only mascara I own is from a freebie off the front of a magazine, which might possibly be about 3 years old. Yes I think I clearly suck at this whole female thing. I may even pop into DJs, (aka department store), in their makeup section and get a free makeover. They might give me sexy eyes. I didn't even know what sexy eyes were until one of my friends rocked the eyes this morning. They were the whole "wow" factor. I am thinking I need a "wow" factor.

Maybe I will just go as little old me, and rock it me style; saturday night fever.

to cleanse again

I like random. Random is good. To write about things that are totally irrelevant to normal life. Or maybe it is not so irrelevant the things I talk about. It is things that are in everyday life that I love to soak up. I love to watch and analyse other people's lives. To wonder what they do. To wonder what makes them truly tick. To know if they are happy. Truly happy. To know what they eat. What do they put on their table each night. I know random. I told you I like random. I guess to know what other people put on the table makes it easier to think about what you might put on your own table. I am sure most of you would admit that you rotate between the same meals each week. It might be seasonable, but it is the same food.

I know for me it is the same each night with little tweaking. I am a sucker for salad in summer, and sometimes I might even add a bit of brown rice to mix it up a little, but the ingredients that go in with the rice is the same as if I was eating rocket. I would love to be that creative person in the kitchen, but I am not. I was brought up by a mother that could throw anything together and make an awesome bubble and squeak. Oh yes my mum was English. Well more Australian as she immigrated here when she was 7. I loved her meals. It was very much your meat and three vege each night, but she did things to these meat and vege that made it such a lovely meal. I am not sure if it was the fact we all sat and ate dinner together, or it was the honey she would put on the carrots, but whatever it was she made awesome things out of ordinary food. {I actually believe it was the fact she created a lovely family conversation over the food we were eating. I don't think it would matter what we ate. Wow I miss her}.

I cook for myself each night. For me it is about yummy food, and a meal that is quick and easy to put together. I work a lot in the evenings and need it to be easy, and a meal that is also easy to eat in front of my computer. Because I get stuck in my ways with food I am doing another cleanse with Nat from the Pagoda Tree. The first cleanse changed my life. It truly did. I was fighting my eating disorder, and it changed the way I looked at food. I am the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I personally believe that eating right, and Nat showing me how you can change the way you look at life in general has contributed to my inner happiness. I have continued to eat like I did in the cleanse with introducing certain foods, like the coffee. I know not a food, but come on, that one is important. I am now drinking soy, and have not gone back to full cream milk. My taste buds have changed. I do not crave chocolate. I know I am crazy being a woman and having no craving for chocolate. I crave raisins and dates....!

For me I have not eaten badly over the christmas holidays, or through summer. I am doing this cleanse to continue my inner well being, to discover new recipes, and to continue to be happy. Nat is amazing. Seriously I cannot believe how lucky I am to have such an awesome friend, and someone that is very good at what she does. I cannot thank her enough for what she has done for me. Check out Nat's new cleanse, and join me this time around, or again for those who did last time. I cannot wait to share some of the awesome food we are eating! And to mix up my weekly recipes.