Clearly I have it on the brain. I need to blog about drive. All I can think about is.... Sex drive. Call me randy? Come on I know you have it. It is in there somewhere. I know some of you might feel robbed of it. You have little people and, bang, just like that the drive is gone.
I had the little people, and I had no sex drive. It came back momentarily when I wanted another baby. Why would I have any kind of drive? I had little people pulling at me all day. I could not go to the toilet on my own, have a shower, even go to the letterbox. There was always a little shadow. I did not want anyone to touch me after my children went to bed. My buttons were all pushed in. And don't get me started on the time. Give me a 30 hour day, and maybe, just maybe then we can start talking about sex. Maybe.
I had no sleep. Both my little people were horrid sleepers. Not sure what made them bad sleepers (besides the fact their mummies buttons had no more room to move); they were both not sleeping through the night, when every other child their age was. (Mother of the year alarm). I was tired. I was more than tired, I was exhausted. I had stretch marks, extra bits, and boobs that did not look like my boobs. They were not mine, they were my daughters, and then, they were my sons. They were far from sexy, so far in fact I felt like a jersey cow. They were their milk jugs. And then they deflated, and kind of went south with the rest of my body.
No sex appeal. I was on the south coast drive.
Now a single mother, approaching my mid 30s with two little people, there is something driving me. I am not too sure if it is the little guy that lives inside me that revs my engine, and helps put me into first gear, or if it is the fact I am at the age of sexual peak. I am still tired. I am still exhausted at times, and I still have my buttons pushed. I still have that little shadow with me. I still go to the toilet with an audience. And now I drink more coffee, and wine then I ever have.
But I have it. I have the drive. The sex drive. I have it enough to at least talk about it.
Why? I am not sure if I know the answer. I would be guessing, and my guess would be either the fact I accept all of me. I accept the body I now have. The extra bits, stretch marks, and the boobs that are deflated and hang south. I accept that I will be tired. I accept that I need coffee to get me through the day, and the wine in the evening to congratulate myself for getting through the day. Or maybe it is that peak that women are meant to have. Or maybe I found the 30 hour day.
Did you get your drive back? Or are you still sitting in the backseat in between the little people?
I got it back. And then I got a third little person. Learning the hard way!
ReplyDeleteUm....I'm still locked in the too tired to drive phase mostly, then it seems when I'm not too tired- the kids are too noisy :)
ReplyDeleteAgreed totally!!
ReplyDeletesix kids.. um yeah I kept getting it back. ha.
ReplyDeleteyou know who I am now.. ;)
I lost mine for a long time after baby 1, found it to have baby 2 and kept it only to become a single Mum and not have anyone to share it with! Hopefully it sticks around!
ReplyDeleteGreat post :D
Yay! Awesome post Miss Hayley. You go get that Ford Territory girl!!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Will answer those questions for you over a drink or two.
Anonymous with 6 kids...you have enough for everyone in Tasmania!
ReplyDeleteMine's gone....I do hope it comes back tho.
Mine has well and truly gone on a extended holiday, I think it might have violated its visa and has been sent to some detention centre and isn't coming back! PS keeps hinting at another little person - so maybe that's why its decided to try ANY excuse to not come back!? : *
ReplyDeleteI could say so much about this post Hayley but you have completely nailed it!
ReplyDeletelove this post...so honest and so damn true...;)...we all know these times and hope for "the return"...;)...i let it flow and think this is the best...or?...thanks for this, my dear...a big hug...cheers...i...
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's having enough love (self love) to rediscover the drive or sometimes it's having the right people to push out the buttons but mostly it's all about getting back on your ride & holding on tight!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I'm with you on the 'give me 30 hours in a day and then come and talk about it'. I think in my relationship, when it's on, it's on but when it's off it's really off, like dried up, call me when you're back, off. The thing is we can still laugh about it. I did the mock porn boob rub to my partner last night - tressed up in an unflattering dressing gown the children bought me for mother's day a few years back and ug boots. Then I went back to reading my book. Still makes me giggle inwardly to think of the dumb things we do to signal we're still in the game.
ReplyDeleteLost it after little fella number 3, (know who I am now!!!), for ages and then POW! After about 18 months it came back with a vengence! Hip Hip Hooray! Although there are still some nights when I feel like everyone's had a piece of me, work is full on and there's just no way to feel sexy! Now go get yourself an FB!!!! xoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteha ha.. I know who you are!! FB... is that like a FWB, or do you not really have to be friends first?!!! After this post I would assume they will be lining up at my door. Although no one has knocked... and dare I say, "yet!"
ReplyDeleteKind of sitting in the backseat, I notice it comes back just before I ovulate - hubby is thank God very patient. A drop of red or two or three does always help the cause too. But two Asperger kids, a delightful daughter and a shift working husband are enough to kill it aswell as my own issues.... but hopefully that peak of the early 30's will save me.... I hope! xo
ReplyDeleteI"m kind of sitting in the boot... just that bit further than the back seat! With three little ones..(5,3 and 1)and a bout of PND and a hubby on deployment with the ADF... there is NO drive here.. WHICH is probably good with an absent husband! Maybe I've just stalled?
ReplyDeletei wouldn't say i'm sitting in the back seat, there aint much room left in the back with the 2 car seats!
ReplyDeletewhen i have my drive, my tank is normally full and lasts me for a good week or two. then i may not refill for another couple of weeks, i'll get busy, tired or pre-occupied with other life happenings. and then refill again and so on.
perhaps you are at your peak. perhaps it is because you are happy and have accepted all of you...
either way, roll with it!
hope you win the territory hayley!
I felt like you were describing me. I'm hoping one day mine will return. Maybe when the kids go to school.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say I have mine back unfortunately! It's nothing like it was pre kids. It does surprise me at the most random times but i also think more hours in a day would totally equal more sex drive! I need time to relax and chill out before my sex drive comes a knocking at my door! It doesn't just turn on that easily after a busy day of chores, work, hours of travel time to and from work and being a mum. It's a funny thing that sex drive. For some reason mine came knocking at the door around 4am the other morning after my child needed a cuddle because of a nightmare. Very funny. I know with time we will get back to where we used to be!
ReplyDeleteMine never left. Even with a five week old and a 22 month old I'll take sex over sleep any day. But I know I have a really high sex drive. In fact, hubby sometimes complains about it and tells me he just wants to sleep?
ReplyDeleteI'll start worrying when he uses the "it's that time of the month" excuse...