Wednesday, May 18, 2011

breathing with my heart

I have sucked in the air. I have grown those balls that my mum showed me how to grow. I have cried a little today, and I am sure I will cry a little, or a lot for the next few months. Either way I am going with it. I am going to hold onto this ride I am on, and know that soon it will be over. Soon I can breathe, and completely breathe my own air.

To have balls is awesome. It might sound random, but truly it is awesome. My mum showed me how to do things, and get them done. I have moments of exhaustion, and those are the times that I do just want to sit. If you asked one of my closest friends, she would tell you that I don't stop. I am not that person. I just don't have it in me. Unless I am doing it to meditate to an extent, and remember how to breathe. That is when I can stop.

Today I did it. I got through the day. I got the things started that I had to get started. No one else is going to do them. It is just me. I wear the balls in this home, and I wear them with pride. I am a go-getter. And I am forever chasing that light I can see. I can see it.

I took the time out to walk. To be in the place I go to be with my mum. I walked with my little people. They didn't even know that their mum was finding it hard to suck in the air. To breathe. To take strength from the place I find so peaceful. I know I don't always have to be strong. I know that I can have moments of sadness.

One day I will dance like I have never danced before. And I will be breathing in more air than I have breathed before. For now I am holding on tight with my eyes closed, and my heart wide open.


  1. you are an amazing woman. i am hoping you are ok. xx

  2. so sweet your words on FB...and it would be so fine to give you some hugs in real...we have never met in person, but you are so near to me, my dear...when i read your lines...i feel with you...good vibrations in my head...i send to you...i breathe with you and you will make the best you can...and you can so much...;)...thanks for your wonderful authentic personality...its so touching...thanks...a big hug...and take care...cheers...i...

  3. hope you are okay and not crying over anything too tragic..... I'm still reading!

  4. And your friends will be there, holding your hand and dancing with you xx



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