It truly did. It sucked. I have just walked out of my children's room. My eyes are swollen. I have just cried my little people to sleep. They cried too. And then they stopped. Taj touched my face, and asked, "mummy, are you crying?" I said, "yes sweetheart, mummy is crying." He put his arm around me, and said, "mummy I love you so much." That was the last sound I heard from both of them. They fell asleep to their mum crying. Keely's hand was in mine and Taj had his arms wrapped around me.
A friend said to me today to say when I am having a hard time. To not keep it inside. That women should talk. We all have our bad times, and we have our good times. Life is that rollercoaster ride, and right now I am on a ride I don't want to be on. I have to. I have no choice but to sit here, and hope that I can be strong enough to get off the ride when it is finished.
This morning I said to all of you that I am starting to believe I am strong. Yes I have been through a lot in my life. Maybe more than a person should ever have to face. And I am still surviving. Right now I could curl up and give up. But I cannot give up. I have to suck it up. Wipe the tears. Get up, put the dirty dishes in the sink, and clean up for a new day. I will most probably pour a fish bowl glass of wine, and cry some more. Then I will eventually get too tired, and go to sleep. Tomorrow I will wake up, and it will be a new day.
Today sucked. And I wish it was over. I want this ride to be finished. Today I am not strong.