Tuesday, May 17, 2011

today sucked

It truly did. It sucked. I have just walked out of my children's room. My eyes are swollen. I have just cried my little people to sleep. They cried too. And then they stopped. Taj touched my face, and asked, "mummy, are you crying?" I said, "yes sweetheart, mummy is crying." He put his arm around me, and said, "mummy I love you so much." That was the last sound I heard from both of them. They fell asleep to their mum crying. Keely's hand was in mine and Taj had his arms wrapped around me.


A friend said to me today to say when I am having a hard time. To not keep it inside. That women should talk. We all have our bad times, and we have our good times. Life is that rollercoaster ride, and right now I am on a ride I don't want to be on. I have to. I have no choice but to sit here, and hope that I can be strong enough to get off the ride when it is finished.

This morning I said to all of you that I am starting to believe I am strong. Yes I have been through a lot in my life. Maybe more than a person should ever have to face. And I am still surviving. Right now I could curl up and give up. But I cannot give up. I have to suck it up. Wipe the tears. Get up, put the dirty dishes in the sink, and clean up for a new day. I will most probably pour a fish bowl glass of wine, and cry some more. Then I will eventually get too tired, and go to sleep. Tomorrow I will wake up, and it will be a new day.

Today sucked. And I wish it was over. I want this ride to be finished. Today I am not strong.

13 comments:

  1. No, you're still strong. If you weren't you wouldn't know that tomorrow will be better xx

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  2. Tomorrow is a new day Hayley..stay strong x

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  3. But you are. Because you are still here. Still fighting on :)
    And you are drawing strength from your children. Good on you.

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  4. just remember, storms pass. Its good for your little people to see you cry some, makes supermum human xx

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  5. My sister once gave me some great advice when I too was consumed by feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a single parent and that is "immerse yourself in it, embrace it".... So in other words allow yourself to feel vulnerable, let the tears flow and sit in the sadness tonight. Remember that you are not alone x

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  6. :( aww Hayley .. having a glass a wine with you now ... so sweet Taj and keely.. sound like such beautiful children! take care lovely xx

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  7. Oh Hayley. I hope tomorrow is better. Kellie xx

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  8. but you are you...and this is good...you are authentic, you are real...you live...here and now...with happiness, but also with sorrow ...and that makes you so lovable and unique...and don´t forget it makes you free...;)...a big hug and i wish i could give you one in real...many kisses, my dear...i´m in your thoughts...you are not alone...cheers...i...

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  9. And that's the best bit. Tomorrow the sun will rise and it's a brand spankin' new fresh start.

    Go easy on yourself. You don't have to be strong or hold it together all the time. You don't have to have all the answers.

    Just know that everything is going to be ok. It truly is. I promise x

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  10. Just hugs from me my love xx You are a vibrant, talented and gorgeous person Hayley. I hope you are feeling better today.

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  11. someone once told me that it is your vunerability that makes you strong, i haven't worked out exactly what they meant, but it always makes me feel better when i'm not feeling on top of my game. i believe in you, your blog gives me strength to be myself.

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  12. I have tears in my eyes. Hayley you are strong you know that you are taking each step and all in a positive way. You are acknowledging that you are sad and rolling with the emotion and I love the fact that you share with us and that we can all be here to offer our signs of support to help you to get through the highs and lows.
    You are fabulous to continue to go on and not give up.
    I am proud of you!!!!!

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  13. Today you might not have been strong. But you were still beautiful xx

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