Wednesday, June 15, 2011

{insert f word here}

Grief is something I have faced head on with the loss of my mum. I have been on the spiral of these mixed emotions, and I will continue to hold on and roll with it. I am on a new spiral of grief, as I start to grieve for my father in-law who is dying from cancer. I have discovered you need to allow yourself to feel what you feel, and not be too hard on yourself. There are moments where you cannot breathe, and there are moments where you wish you could shake the person and tell them to come back. Right now I am angry.

Cancer sucks. Cancer more than sucks.

Fuck you cancer. You are taking my children's grandfather away.

I do apologise for the language. I do believe there is a time and a place for the F word. This may not be the place, but it sure is the time. It may not make me feel better. But it is allowing me to feel the anger, and also the sadness as I watch a man we all love slip away from us.

I do hope one day they find a cure for the cancer that is incurable. It is sad that it is too late for 'you grand-daddy.' The memories from our time together, and the memories that are being created now will be forever in my heart.

'You grand-daddy' reaching out and holding Taj's hand today will be a moment I will never forget.


  1. oh my sad for you and your family...and its okay to be angry...i think its better to show your emotions than to hide is the honest way...and to be honest with yourself give you the possibility to live your life real...send you a big hug...all my thoughts are with you...take care, dear...cheers and hugs...i...

  2. xxx prayers for you m'love...Cancer bites ass. xxx

  3. oh Hayley that is so sad. Cancer is a real bitch. I know it doesn't help but cancer has taken a few members of my family, so i understand how you are feeling. My babies never got to meet there nana.. its not fair!
    You are not alone.

  4. So very sad for you and your babies. Send my love to them and to S too, he must be struggling too. Such a sad time. I'm so sorry, he looks like a lovely, jovial man. x

  5. other commenters have already said what i wanted to

    Cancer is a BITCH

    sums it up pretty much

    You have prob seen this already but thought I would post it here

    What Cancer Cannot Do

    Cancer is so limited..
    It cannot cripple love.
    It cannot shatter hope.
    It cannot corrode faith.
    It cannot eat away peace.
    It cannot destroy confidence.
    It cannot kill friendship.
    It cannot shut out memories.
    It cannot silence courage.
    It cannot reduce eternal life.
    It cannot quench the Spirit.
    ~~~~Author unknown

    But yes it still sucks

  6. I'm so very sorry Hayley.

    I've read your blog a while, but I'm a shocking slacker at commenting, but wanted to send you some blog-reader love from a fellow Northern Beaches mama


  7. This gorgeous picture will make you and your little people smile for many years to come - a perfect moment captured.

    The C word takes too many wonderful people - thinking of you all x

  8. I'm so not a 'f' person but well done for using it in the one way I will agree with you! F CANCER! Totally...
    So sorry for you friend, it's just awful.

  9. I'm so sorry Hayley. This is so, so sad. Thinking of you all during this horrible time. xx Ps That photo is beautiful.



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