Tonight I am sad. I am really sad. My poor boy is sick and it is hurting me too. It is time for the specialist. He is being seen really quick as they are a bit worried about him. He goes in on wednesday to get tests done. It is highly likely he is going to be getting grommets. My doctor looked at me today and told me it was time for modern medicine. It was time to make this boy well.
I have flash backs of my mum being sick, and I know this is different. But hearing his cries and the way he cries for me is the same way my mum cried in pain. I fear loss. I fear it everyday. My doctor knows this and I am sure this is why it is time to go the big step.
My doctor also put her hand out to me and told me it was time to stop trying to be super woman. It was time to give me some help. I am getting a volunteer nanna that will come to my home. Be someone for me and someone more for the little ones. She told me she thinks I will really like this. I think she is right. It is time for me to put my hand out, and have tea with someone.
I booked my holiday. I am going away with the little ones. We are off to melbourne, my favourite city. Cafe, coffee, cafe, coffee...... nothing else needed really! Maybe a little shopping.
Tonight I cry. I have cried a lot. It is good as I have held so much in, and tonight I am letting it all go so tomorrow I can be super woman again. Trust me I can do it as I have powers the doctor gave me today; herbs, liquid gold!
As I wrote this Taj was on my lap looking up at me and smiling.