Monday, January 24, 2011

breathing fear

I had my breath taken away today. Not by choice, and not in that romantic way. I was fighting to breathe. I had two asthma attacks, within 10 minutes of each other. They were not mild. They were severe. Both came as a shock as I was not running, I was driving the car after doing groceries. I had Keely and Taj in the car with me. Fear is what I am most afraid of. I faced it head on today, and on my own.

I am over the fear of spiders, well just a little. I have no choice but to be the hero that removes them from our home. It is not like I want them to stay the night. I am scared of snakes. I actually don't think I could stay still if I saw one. I think I would run, and I mean run, and most probably run way too far. I must admit I do not have a fear of sharks. I once had that fear, but it has since gone with the odds of a shark coming and playing with me. I do try and swim around other people, and that of course gives me better odds. I however try not to have the thought of a shark whilst I swim in their home. Easier that way.

I am afraid of the dark. I am learning to beat that fear, but I think that might be a fear that stays with me. I used to be afraid of the boogie man. I am serious, I was. The scary movies have stopped in my home, there is no room for them on a flick friday. I wouldn't sleep. Although if I do start to watch a scary film I have to finish watching it to know that the bad person is dead, or caught. I know I am such a sook!

Today felt like I was given a snake to put around my neck, and a spider in my hand. I faced my fear even when I did not want to. I cannot do this one alone, I need help to face this. There are times in your life where you can do things on your own, and there are times when you do need to put your hand up and ask for someone to be there for you, and with you.

How do you face your you jump on a chair and scream for someone else to remove the spider. How do you face the spider if you are home alone. Do you face it head on and grab that shoe?


  1. For what feels like a long time, I have followed both of your blogs.
    You are such an Inspiration, you are open & giving in your writing & it is such a pleasure to read your posts as they come..

    Recently I had what started out as an out of control experience which I too wrote about, fear.. & for me it made me question how much it has held me back?

    Love your work.

  2. Hmmm that is an interesting one. If I am alone I just get on and face that fear, remove that spider but if I have someone who can 'save' me around I tend to rely on them. Interesting insight now I think of it. I am also a massive fan of putting my hand up for help in areas of my life where there are people who can guide me and have knowledge far beyond mine - therapists, birth attendants, friends, myotherpist, family - I find leaning on those around me so freeing and I feel so great when they lean on me. Hope you have recovered ok, take care. x

  3. I've been thinking about my fear of spiders a lot lately too. With all the rain that we're having it seems there are more around than usual...I must admit I'm the squeal-and-plead-for-someone-else-to-scoop-it-up-in-a-jar-and-release-it-somewhere-far-far-away kind. I've just posted a link on my (pretty new) blog to a beautiful series of work by a Californian artist who worked with spider webs and it gave me a new perspective on the little guys...I'm hoping a little bit of insight will help me overcome that fear. Sometimes understanding something a little better helps?



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