This is pretty huge for me to share something so personal in my life, but I thought this will become (it is already) part of my life in a big way. This will affect me as a person and my little family and in some ways it will become part of Little Pinwheel, as I hope that my family will grow. Also when I started this blog I wanted it to not be just about the website, I wanted it to be about my life as a mother and the experiences you face as a mum. I want people to feel like they are buying from a "real" person, not from their computers and so far this has been a real positive to Little Pinwheel and to me too as I have made some great friends!
I have begun a journey, one that may take months, years or if I am lucky only weeks. I was adopted when I was 10 days old. I had the best mum you could ever imagine and she will always be my mum. But for me after loosing my mum unexpectedly 3 years ago there is a huge hole in my life; a hole that is not only made up of grief and loss, a hole that is made up of questions that are unanswered. I am not looking to find a "new" mum or dad, I am looking to fill a part of my life. One that I was going to do with my mum before she passed away. We were going to look for my birth father, as this meant so much to me to have a father figure in my life after having a horrible childhood with my adoptive father.
I actually met my birth mother just over 10 years ago now and it was an emotional experience. I was still so young, although I did think I knew it all, don't we all in our 20s! She is just like me, quite scary to meet someone that you actually look like. Even though I did grow up thinking I looked like my mum anyway! She is a gentle and kind hearted lady, someone I hope to meet again. She has another daughter, who would be about 13 or even maybe 14 now. So I have another sister! My birth mum had me when she was 15 and a half, my birth father was 18. So they were both very young. It was a decision by her parents to give me up for adoption, one that she is very sad about. But as I said to her, I had (have, back when I met her) the best mum. Yes I had a horrible childhood with my father, but I would never want to have a life without the mum I had. Now I have children of my own, I can feel a bit of what she would have felt back when we met. I am sorry we ever lost contact, but we both decided back then that it was hard on us and we should walk away.
After grieving for my mum for over 3 years now, I am ready to start the search and to try and fill a bit of my heart. I am trying to not have high expectations, it is something you really need to prepare yourself for.....well the best you can. I think of my mum everyday and I know I will for the rest of my life. She is part of me and she always will be. This is a path I know she would want me to take. I know she would have been upset that I had such a hard time dealing with her loss. (I now sit here crying as I type....she is so missed).
the last photo taken of my mum...she passed away a week later
I could sit here and type for ages telling you so much more, but for now I will tell you that I have filled out the forms that I had to send to DOCS (department of community services) and 6 weeks later I received more forms to fill out, one for Births Deaths and Marriages to obtain my original birth certificate, which will have my birth parents names on it and a form to an adoption agency, which will eventually send me any background information, like health, appearance etc they have back from when I was born. The birth certificate should be about 10 working days, but the health forms take about 6 weeks. I will be assigned a case manager to help with the personal side of searching as this is an emotional rollercoaster ride I am on. The whole paperwork side of the search is what takes the longest. It took my birth mother over 2 years to find me!
Once I have the original birth certificate I can start the search at the electoral roll to look for their address and contact details. I may be lucky and my birth parents could have left their details for me to contact them, but as I have not heard anything I assume they have not so I move forward with the search.
This will have an affect on my children, one that should not be too bad with them both being so young, but it will be a process that I will explain as I go along. My little family means so much to me and to have their support is lovely. What this will bring me, my husband and my children is unknown, but the search begins!....