Friday, November 13, 2009

adoption....the search begins

This is pretty huge for me to share something so personal in my life, but I thought this will become (it is already) part of my life in a big way. This will affect me as a person and my little family and in some ways it will become part of Little Pinwheel, as I hope that my family will grow. Also when I started this blog I wanted it to not be just about the website, I wanted it to be about my life as a mother and the experiences you face as a mum. I want people to feel like they are buying from a "real" person, not from their computers and so far this has been a real positive to Little Pinwheel and to me too as I have made some great friends!

I have begun a journey, one that may take months, years or if I am lucky only weeks. I was adopted when I was 10 days old. I had the best mum you could ever imagine and she will always be my mum. But for me after loosing my mum unexpectedly 3 years ago there is a huge hole in my life; a hole that is not only made up of grief and loss, a hole that is made up of questions that are unanswered. I am not looking to find a "new" mum or dad, I am looking to fill a part of my life. One that I was going to do with my mum before she passed away. We were going to look for my birth father, as this meant so much to me to have a father figure in my life after having a horrible childhood with my adoptive father.

I actually met my birth mother just over 10 years ago now and it was an emotional experience. I was still so young, although I did think I knew it all, don't we all in our 20s! She is just like me, quite scary to meet someone that you actually look like. Even though I did grow up thinking I looked like my mum anyway! She is a gentle and kind hearted lady, someone I hope to meet again. She has another daughter, who would be about 13 or even maybe 14 now. So I have another sister! My birth mum had me when she was 15 and a half, my birth father was 18. So they were both very young. It was a decision by her parents to give me up for adoption, one that she is very sad about. But as I said to her, I had (have, back when I met her) the best mum. Yes I had a horrible childhood with my father, but I would never want to have a life without the mum I had. Now I have children of my own, I can feel a bit of what she would have felt back when we met. I am sorry we ever lost contact, but we both decided back then that it was hard on us and we should walk away.

After grieving for my mum for over 3 years now, I am ready to start the search and to try and fill a bit of my heart. I am trying to not have high expectations, it is something you really need to prepare yourself for.....well the best you can. I think of my mum everyday and I know I will for the rest of my life. She is part of me and she always will be. This is a path I know she would want me to take. I know she would have been upset that I had such a hard time dealing with her loss. (I now sit here crying as I type....she is so missed).

the last photo taken of my mum...she passed away a week later

I could sit here and type for ages telling you so much more, but for now I will tell you that I have filled out the forms that I had to send to DOCS (department of community services) and 6 weeks later I received more forms to fill out, one for Births Deaths and Marriages to obtain my original birth certificate, which will have my birth parents names on it and a form to an adoption agency, which will eventually send me any background information, like health, appearance etc they have back from when I was born. The birth certificate should be about 10 working days, but the health forms take about 6 weeks. I will be assigned a case manager to help with the personal side of searching as this is an emotional rollercoaster ride I am on. The whole paperwork side of the search is what takes the longest. It took my birth mother over 2 years to find me!

Once I have the original birth certificate I can start the search at the electoral roll to look for their address and contact details. I may be lucky and my birth parents could have left their details for me to contact them, but as I have not heard anything I assume they have not so I move forward with the search.

This will have an affect on my children, one that should not be too bad with them both being so young, but it will be a process that I will explain as I go along. My little family means so much to me and to have their support is lovely. What this will bring me, my husband and my children is unknown, but the search begins!....


  1. you are the most beautifulest person i have met and i feel so lucky that you are sharing such an emotional experience with me and your readers. good luck, we're all here behind you. mmmwah xx

  2. i applaud you for being brave enough to take such a big step into the unknown. one that no doubt has secret little hopes and desires for what could be and one that is somewhat afraid of what may not. i'll be holding my breath a little and crossing my fingers and toes for you. i wish you every success and happiness in what is sure to be quite a journey... x

  3. Hayley it's so brave of you to share this and I wish for you and your family a fulfilling journey. I am on the other side of it, as an adoptive mum, I can so understand why you want to reconnect with your birth mum. PS your mum looks like she was a gorgeous soul. x

  4. What a touching story, a really lovely story about your mum as well. I wish you all the best and that it happens quite quickly for you

  5. Your adoptive Mom sounded like such an incredible woman & mom! Praying that you find your Birth mom soon!

    Rachelle xoxo

  6. You are so amazing. I wish you all the best in your search. And send you hugs, thinking about your beautiful mother.

  7. You really are an amazing, loving woman Hayley, your children are blessed to have such a wonderful mother. I wish you the best of luck with your search and hope that you find what you need to fill that hole in your life as you deserve every happiness xoxo

  8. wow... quite overwhelmed with all the lovely comments and the support. I didn't even expect a response, but the emails and the messages left are so encouraging and very beautiful. Thank you so much and I look forward to sharing the rollercoaster ride ahead! H x



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