Sunday, August 14, 2011

jumping the air hurdle

There is nothing like sitting in your new home, which I love, and so do my little people, and hearing yourself wheeze. There is a rising damp problem, and it is showing me what it is like to truly have asthma. A breathing issue in my life that was brought on by exercise, and chest infections, has been hanging around giving me grief for the past month of living here.

I am one to take the positive out of something. The negative is the fact I have had two missed days of training this week due to my asthma, and my trainer saying no running. This in itself hurts, as I want to run more than you could even imagine. I have found my thing, and once you find that you have to hold onto it, and keep it close. I don't quit; it is not in me to give up.There is always a solution.

Two dehumidifiers purchased, which have helped somewhat, but not enough for my own health. So the positive is I get support from my doctor who will manage my asthma through natural medicine, as well as asthmatic medication. And the fun side is I am going to camp out in the lounge room for the next 3 weeks, until I leave for the US. I am sure I will get over dragging my mattress out of my room each night, and putting it away every morning, but I know two little people are going to think this is the best thing ever. I will instantly receive the mother of the year badge.

I want to run. I actually need to run. Today I was hurt from someone that should never hurt me, and tomorrow I need to run that out. To meditate completely in my own head, and have those feet glide across the pavement. And as I type this my eyes are closed, (yes I can touch type), and I can see this piece of me being put back together.

You might think that sounds strange. But running gives me all of that. It is the one thing that helped me when I was a teenager as I ran away from the abuse, helped me when I lost my mum, and helped me when my marriage broke down. It has helped me through positive times in my life too. It is my thing. And I will breathe easily tomorrow as I suck in that fresh air, and take all that inflicted pain out of my chest.

We will stay here. This is our home, and I am not about to take my children away, or myself away, from a place we now call home, and that we love. This is just another hurdle in the path of life.


  1. Oh no, asthma is not going to hold you back is it?? Sounds like you have a plan. I find if i'm not quite right (body & soul, not asthma) i use a cross trainer, it just seems to make a different impact on me, less to concentrate on, as in, not even having to think about putting one foot in front of the other. I never liked it until recently, the gym is my freedom, no responsibilities (business, children, parents) & i love the escape it brings me. Running sounds like fantastic therapy for you, such a positive one, just balance that asthma & you'll feel empowered again. Sorry you've been hurt, that sucks, sometimes people just dump their issues & take it out on you & what is worst, when you don't notice or realise, but let it weigh you down, so you'll handle it even better just by realising it. If that makes any sense??!! I'm doing plenty of soul searching right now, it's so important to keep reassessing things, friendships, everything, love Posie

  2. hi posie, I won't let the asthma stop me! My trainer is actually asthmatic too, so that is something she understands. I ran today, and felt amazing. No asthma attacks, but have sounded like a barking dog all day with the coughing! It is amazing therapy, and also a great headspace to be in. you either love running or hate it, and those that love it will understand that feeling you get.

    Soul searching is a beautiful thing to do. I think it keeps you grounded as a person. thinking of you x

  3. I've been reading your posts for a while now and of course I can't just read this and not say anything.

    I hope you feel better soon and that the asthma goes away.

    As for the other things that we have to run away from... it's a good thing that these are just phases and are not permanent. The good stuff of life will arrive soon and also... YAY FOR A NEW HOME for you. :)



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