Thursday, June 7, 2012

tip toe through the tulips

Far out brussels sprouts. I need to walk a little of memory lane. I have a few issues when it comes to men, and let's be honest here, who wouldn't have, after the one man that is meant to protect you, abuses you, and your trust. The lane I thought I had dealt with is not completely over. The silly freaking past is coming back up to say boo, and scare the sprouts out of me.

So how does one find this strength inside her to face the demons she would prefer to leave buried with that little girl in the bottomless pit? {Here is hoping the pit is not so bottomless, as I need to reach in, and grab that little girls hand, and pull her out. Show her that it is safe up here}.

My first thing is I need to find trust in someone that I love. I need to trust a man that wants to hold my hand. I need to believe that he will never hurt me. Sounds easy, but it isn't that easy. 

Growing up my best friend, Stacey, was always told by her dad, "boys are the pits." I still remember it. He would say it to both of us all the time. It is true to an extent. Sorry boys, but my view on men was tarnished by the man that should be my number one in my world. My father taught me that men suck, that men only hurt women, that no matter how good you are, they will still put you down, and make you feel like a piece of sprout. {I am avoiding swearing right now. I would love to swear, and say how angry I am with the fact I need to face things I don't want to face. Face the fears. When all I want is to put my head up, wipe away the tears, and skip through the tulips, in my perfect world}.

I am glad that I am helping people by coming here, and writing about my life. This is a chapter I would prefer to close, but I am going to open it up. I am going to find a way to help that little girl out, and I am going to skip through those tulips, and have the perfect life.... ok so maybe life isn't that perfect, but it is a pretty picture!

Come skip through the tulips with me. Say sprout a lot, and help me reach down to that little girl. She is scared, and needs to see that it is safe up here. That not all men are going to hurt me. The walls can come down, and trust can be built in their place.

tip toe.


  1. Nothing about your life is silly Hayley.. you are a brave and courageous woman - who deserves love. Believe in yourself. Believe in who you are. Never be defined by your past. For if you let it grip you then it takes with it your power. Reclaim your life sweet lady. Because you are awesome xxx

  2. remember you are stronger than you think you are

  3. Maybe you just need to feel that even if he might hurt you, that you will survive and go on?

  4. It wasn't a 'man' that abused you, Hayley. Real men don't do fucked up shit like that. Real men will be the ones to pull you to safety, out of that endless pit that a demon put you in. You have to believe that.

    Trust enough to let your man in. Talk to him about everything. You will know soon enough whether he deserves your full trust and whether you are capable of giving it away. Being scared is ok. x



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