the search ends.

I miss my mum. It is a hard time of the year for me, and I am doing one thing to feel close to her. I walk. I walk from one end of the beach to the other, and up to the top of the headland.

Mum and I used to walk for miles on every beach we stepped foot on. I loved that time with my mum. I walked with her when all the other children around me would be playing in the water and building sandcastles. We would leave my brother and sister behind, and walk. I think we have walked every beach on the south coast of Australia, and several times back and forth.

I feel so close to her once I get to the other end and up the top. I can see for miles into the sea I scattered her ashes in. I don't stay for long. I cannot bring myself to let too many tears fall.

This time last year I was contemplating finding my biological father, and I had not long been in contact with my biological mum again. This year I have come to a decision. I have decided I have a mum. She may not be here the way I need her to be, but I have her. I never had a father. I never will have a father. My mum filled that role too, and she was awesome at wearing the pants. I will keep the letter I wrote to my biological father. I will never send it.

I will not be posting any more blog posts to do with my search for my biological father, or my life as an adopted person. I am me, and I am me because of my mum, biological or not. Blood is not thicker than water, and that is a very valuable lesson I have learnt. I will remain true to my mum, and true to my own heart.

My mum rocks!

If I can be half a mum that she was to me, to my little people, then I am going to rock too.