a happy start

It has been a while since I blogged somewhat the way I used to. It is a little chaotic here with the whole head down and bum up approach to moving. I am focused completely on getting us in our new home. And at the same time rocking a busy time of the year for my businesses.

I do not even know how I find the time to fit it all in, manage to be a mother, a friend, (although a kind of distant one at the moment, but thankfully my friends understand), a runner, and now a girlfriend.

Yes, I have a boyfriend.

I learnt how to date, and let me tell you, it isn't as easy as you think it is! Well for me it wasn't so easy. I was set in my ways, with walls of protection, and a routine that was getting me by each day. I was not too sure how to date, whilst protecting my children, and their feelings. Once I came to the realisation that my little people wanted me to be happy, and they liked the man in mum's life, I let the walls come down. Now you could say I am somewhat vulnerable, but I am vulnerable to a man that cares about me a lot. I am lucky to have him wait for me to be ready, and for him to have understanding of my fears.

I was not too sure if I would share this part of my life here, but hey why not, I have shared so much other stuff in my life! And plus when it comes down to it, we all need to learn how to date again at some stage in our lives, even if it is a date night with your husbands, or wives. Not that I am any expert, although I can share some aspects of it and try to help in the mistakes I made, and the good decisions I made.

One thing I can share right now is that I am happy, and that is all I want out of life; to be happy.

putting the big f in fun

There is something about thinking positive, and hoping for the best. Although that statement for me does not reflect the negative outlook I have had. But luckily for me, I had a few people telling me to suck up the positive, and have the hope. And that I did.

We have a new home. That weight has gone, and the next, well I am thinking positive straight up, and hoping for the best. This part I am going to make fun. This is the part where you pack your whole life up and put it into boxes, turf the crap we have accumulated in the short 6 months, hire some men to move us, and then do the whole unpack thing. This is going to be fun. Did you hear me? Fun!

The best thing is the little people will help pack a little to see the fun side, (don't forget to add some awesome tone in the word fun when you read it), and the bit where mum might swear a little, they will not see. They will move into a whole new home that is all set up as if it was picked up by a big hand and plonked right into a new space. This is how I did it last time, and this is how I will do it again.

I will be honest and say I worry about them. I worry about those little people having their lives changed again. Although, I did it. I gave Keely what she asked for; a home where she can ride her bike right out of the garage with no hills. A home where she can ride her big girl bike.

And for me, I did it. I helped my daughter's health.

Rock it, we have a new home. A fresh start that is going to be awesome, and a whole lot of FUN.

their bravery is inside you

We all try to reach inside and take a bit of that bravery we carry within ourselves. There are times when we need it more than others, and there are times when those little people need to reach in and find their own bravery.

Have you noticed when a little person is reaching in to find their bravery, they are looking right at you to find it within your eyes. The tears you had welling up need to dry up faster than they started to roll down your cheeks.

My little girl had her first asthma attack on the weekend. A mother's instinct told me to go straight to the hospital after seeing a GP for a whole 2 minutes. These whole 2 minutes my daughter was having a mild asthma attack. He missed it.

I am asthmatic, and after taking Keely to the GP I noticed that she was sucking air in way down in her stomach. My own stomach sank, and I knew it was time to go straight to hospital.

Keely is getting better after a severe asthma attack.

Today we went to our GP, and now I need to be brave for my little people, again. I need to suck back those tears. We are moving again. We are packing up our new life, and moving. There is rising damp in our unit block, and it has affected my own asthma, but I was sucking it up for my children. I didn't want to move again. I thought in the last two years they had been through enough changes. But now I have a little girl that is sick too.

The strength in my girl is amazing. All Keely asked for when I was told to move home was a new home where she could ride her bike.

Bravery is a whole lot more than I ever thought it was. Keely has taught me that she will love any home; all it needs is her mum wearing that brave face. And she too will be brave.

proud of her

I always thought she was clever with her creativeness, and I think my girl rocks it when it comes to painting and drawing, and anything crafty. She may not be up there with the other children in reading, but she is doing awesome with her art.

I know that being awesome at art won't make her into the doctor she would like to be, but it sure does give her some confidence to know that she is great at something she loves.

Plus I get to do the proud mum moment.

It was nice to pick Keely up today and show her the image on my phone of her painting. It was my proud mum moment to her. The painting hangs in her classroom, and I spotted it last night along side her classmate's paintings. Sitting in her chair and listening to her teacher about the year ahead is exciting. Last year I was not involved, and this year I am making the time to stand right beside Keely with her schooling.

I am proud of Keely in more ways than her artistic ability. She has held me together more than she will ever know. To move her out of her family home last year, and for her to accept a new woman in her life, and for her to keep being that little person has been beautiful. My girl has something; she has a way about her.

I am proud of you little girl. x

judging your book cover

Keely chose my running outfit. She often tells me to wear a bra with no singlet when I go for a run. She is the one that tells me that my belly is beautiful. I am 34, I have had two children, and this is my beautiful belly.

Did you see it. Did you see the extra skin on my belly. Were you even looking for it?

I have no issue with my stretch marks. I have learnt to live with them. They are the love lines my little people left behind from my pregnancies. I however have an issue with the extra skin on my stomach. I almost didn't buy these images due to that fact.

My little girl asked me to buy these images. Do you know what Keely saw?

Keely saw images of her mummy running in the purple running bra she asked me to wear.

I am a little disappointed in myself. I truly thought I was over my body image issues. Here I am the mum that never wants her daughter to have any issues with her body, and I still had a moment over mine today.When I run and look down, I don't see the skin. When my girl looks at the photos, she does not see the skin.

I learn something new with parenting everyday, and today my girl taught me one valuable lesson.

When you look beyond your own cover, you see a whole lot more; I now see my running technique, not my skin.

race day

There is nothing prouder than the moment you reach the end of the hill climbs, and at the end of the road in front of you is your two beautiful children.

I had a great result from the run on the weekend that leads me into the races I have been training for. I am no short distance runner, but it was nice to see that I am quite capable of running a good time.

There were 4413 runners that completed the race. There were 2544 women competitors, and 933 women in the 30-39 year old age group. I came 337 overall, 34th woman to cross the line, and 10th in my age group. An overall result of top 10% in all areas.

I achieved the time that was set for me, and overall I am one step closer to achieving my first full marathon.

To be proud of your own achievement is a big thing, and to share that with my best friend, Karen who flew from the UK for me is huge, and a moment I will never forget. To have my little people sit and wait for me to run past them, with their sign, will also be something I will never forget. To see their smiles, and their wave at me is what pushed me down that hill. And to then have my coach metres from the finishing line telling me to bring it home, is what got me over the line for the 28 minutes set.

Running is something you either love or hate. Even those of us that love it, can hate it too. But when you run over that line, you realise just how much you love it, when only minutes ago you were questioning your ability to even run.

I could run forever.

believing in yourself

They say, 'slow and steady wins the race.'

With everyday life I am at it like a bull at a gate. I like to get things done. I am not one to sit around and do nothing. Maybe I have ants in my pants. Maybe I am just one determined chick. It is in me. Mum taught me to be that woman with balls. She brought me up believing that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. That I can do the things that men can do. She did it. Mum lived a life on her own. Although she was not completely on her own, she had her children, and she had her beautiful friends, and her successful business.

I think a lot. It might be perceived as a bad attribute, or some might see it as a good attribute. I try and think of the consequences of my actions, and sometimes I don't think, and over analyse it after the fact.

With running you need to have a strong head. You need to be together up there, and most importantly you need to believe in yourself. This is where my mind can go weak. This is where it ticks over and it can be all negative.

This morning I could not run.* I didn't even lace up my shoes. I was over thinking. Something that had happened was stopping me from believing in myself, and the things I want.

I want to go slow.

I think there is nothing wrong with going slow; I will win the race. Isn't that how it works? Life is busy. Life is fast paced, and sometimes you need to stop being that bull at the gate, and pull it back. You need to enjoy the moments around you, and go slow. Imagine if you were always that bull, you would miss the beauty in life, and the things around you.

On saturday I am racing. It is a race that is the step towards the big picture. It is a mind test for me. It is my moment to be slow and steady. To have that strong head, and to believe in myself. The race is short. It is fast paced. But I am not going to be that bull. I am going to be the smart one. I am going to open the gate before the race, and I am going to go steady.

If I believe I can do it, and I believe in myself; I can do anything.

I believe I can run.

(I also believe my mum was one smart woman. Who would have thought that after 5 years of her not being here, I still hear her words, and I still learn from her. Thank you mum).

*I am going to lace up my shoes, and go for my training run.