the pinwheel garden of growth

I am still here! I have just been trying to get back into life. It has kind of changed. It has stepped it up a notch. It is busier, and more and more new people are coming into my life. It is really nice. Fast paced, but nice. The little pinwheel world is taking up a lot of me. It is taking up that much, the lady pinwheel is just being the lady that she currently is. I guess that is what happens to us ladies. Lucky we are patient, and know that good things come to those who wait.

Life is a little hard, and a lot good. There have been huge changes in me. Not so much that I have completely changed. Just enough to accept a whole lot more of myself. Accept that I can take compliments. Accept the fact that I too suck sometimes, and that I cannot change things. I cannot always make the sad face of my daughter turn into a happy face. (Oh how I wish I could truly say how I feel about this, but I have to suck it up, and accept that this is something I have to work on within myself. I just hope that whatever I do will not change the beautiful girl she is. All I can do is hope that I can be half a mum that my mum was to me. If I can do that, then she will be everything I could ever hope for).

I am still running, and loving it. I cannot wait for the next race. For the woman that never wanted to race is aspiring to some big things.

There will be more of my trip soon. I just need to be with my little people, with myself, and my beautiful friends. I need to keep rockin' this little pinwheel world, and growing this Lady.

Enjoy your weekend!

they have been busy

They have grown.

Taj turns 3 soon. Today Keely and I were organising what we will be doing for the party. We bought the bits and pieces to make the invites together. A great craft project for Keely whilst she is on school holidays.

Taj's party has been pushed back another week, as his best buddy from kindy is away on his birthday weekend. There is no way this little guy can have a little rockstar party without his best buddy. Plus this gives me an extra week.

Fun times ahead!

I got you babe

Home, fresh off the plane. Surprised Taj first. Completely lost it, and both broke down in tears. Taj could not wipe the smile off his face.

Surprised Keely second. It was like a movie, where the person runs to the other person in slow motion. She was shocked, excited, and in tears.

An early mark for them. An afternoon of just us.

Keely and I had a girl's night. She camped in my bed. Awake at 2am, and cuddling my girl.

Today, back into the swing of things. Spending time with beautiful friends at the beach, and just being together.

I missed them. I am going to have the best weekend. And so are they.

the golden gate bridge rocks

I am in a beautiful city, and tomorrow I am leaving to come home. There is a part of me that is a little sad, and then there is this huge part of me that cannot wait. I am missing my little people a lot, and it is time to cuddle them, stare at them, and stare at them some more. I actually don't think I will stop cuddling them, or staring at them.

I have taken way too many photos of the Golden Gate bridge, and maybe not enough, as it really is the wow factor of bridges. I rode a bike across it with my ace friend, and it is something I will never forget.

I have ridden that many trains, or what I would more call a tram, cable carts, and driven the truck. I will kind of miss driving on the wrong side of the road, and walking on the other side of the footpath.

Tomorrow I go home, and start a whole new life being the woman that rocked a half marathon! Yes, I am still on a high, and I cannot wait to go home and show my little people my ribbon.

the race; my race.

This post is written from the words I just wrote in my personal traveling journal. I share because I am proud of what I achieved today.

Today I did huge. I danced 21km, 13.1 miles around Lake Merced, San Francisco. The main focus of my vacation was this day. My first race. My first half marathon with other runners.

I felt ready. All the things that my coach had said to me was playing over and over in my head. I knew I could run. There was no questioning my ability to run. There were nerves. Of course there were. I was in a different country, and running my first race.

I ran for me. I also ran for my mum. This was my race to reflect all that I lost with my mum dying. Five years, and today I believe I made her proud. Prouder than any other achievement. I ran with my children in my heart.

18km into the race I stopped. I stood still for maybe 30 seconds. Out loud I said, "what the f*#k am I doing?" I thought about everyone that means something to me. I put all of them into my last 3km. Before I took off, I said, "suck it up princess Blease!"(Thank you Anita for your ace words. They helped me more than you will ever know).

By this stage my legs were hurting. But when I saw the finishing line, I took all that was in me, and powered those legs. I looked at the time that stood above the finishing line. I knew I was going to beat the time my coach had set me for this course. That in itself made me feel awesome.

To have my best mate at the finishing line was something I will never forget. He came especially to see me, to support me, and to yell out, "Go you Aussie!"

Right now I am asleep. The fatigue is taking over, and the beer is going down a treat. I am still on the biggest high.

I did it.

When it comes down to it, those are the most important words. It does not matter what time you finish, what place you came, what the course was like; what matters is that every person that started, finished.

I did it. And this is just the beginning.

(thank you to my coach.... you rock)!

time to (over) think.

When one feels down on themselves they catch up with girlfriends. They boost you up, make you feel awesome, and beautiful.

When one travels on their own they go to their local community to feel all of this. Living right near the gay community in San Francisco rocks. You are instantly made to feel awesome and beautiful by the locals. I may not be the hottest chick in town, but I sure am meeting some fun ladies and men. Apparently the locals at the cool cafe I have been going to believe I am going to get myself an awesome man.

I have met a couple of really nice men on my travels, one kissed me, twice, and the other gave me his number, telling me he believed we would meet again. Nice line! The men in America have no fear. Or maybe it is me having no fear. I am talking to people, making friends and letting my protective guard down.

In two sleeps I run my first race. I believe this will be the icing on the cake for me. This is the start of a life full of chasing marathons all over the world, being me with less fear, and showing my children just how much their mum has grown as a person. I knew this trip would be life changing. I just didn't realise how much I would change.

I do have fear of my first race, but I believe no matter how much I have grown, there would still be fear. On Sunday, Australia's Monday, whilst you sleep, I will run for me. I will run holding my mum's hand, and alongside my children. (I miss them).

In Castro, San Francisco, my name is Baby. And nobody puts Baby in the corner.

highway 1, california rocks the wow

There is nothing like a road trip with an ace friend. And it is even better when you cruise on the open road, winding around mountains on the right, and the ocean on the left. Highway 1 in California is a drive I will never forget, and a drive I will do again.

The images do this road no justice.

Wow.

Awesome.

Oh my, look at that.

Wow.

We were both blown away.

We stopped a few times; to sleep in a cute fishing town, to lay in the sun, to watch the surfers, to capture the wow factor, and to just be.

I miss my beautiful friend. Now it is time to be on my own. Think about life, think about my race, and to be me, just me. I am taking in all of San Francisco, and will share soon! This city is a wow factor.

venice beach on skates

The blog posts have been few and far between. The experiences have been every single day. Venice Beach was an eyeopener. A great place to take it all in. Sad to witness so many homeless people. People that light up your day. They all have a story to tell. They all have something, if it be written on their face, or if it be something they tell you.

Rollerskates were bought, and I rocked the Venice Beach strip with my beautiful friend, Julie. We stayed in Venice, had a great night out, and had some beach time the next morning before we made our way to the Highway 1.

Julie has flown home today. It won't be the same without her here. A friendship that has grown in the fun times we have had, the experiences we have both had, and the life long memories we have created.

cruising the sunsets

There is so much I can say. There is a lot I have done in the past few days, and to be honest I am finding it hard to find the words. I am very much into vacation mode, (I even have the american words going on. This is not a holiday, this is a vacation), and I am loving how my whole body and mind has gone into some kind of relaxation state.

I have been to Ocean Beach, near San Diego.

Witnessed the most amazing sunset, that went on.....

and on.

Walked the street. Had the best mexican I have ever had, $2 fish tacos, and $2 beers. A very cool diner brunch the next day.

Then cruised up to Santa Monica to do the shopping part of the trip. Hello Nike. Hello trainers, and running gear. Hello full suitcase.

Rocked Venice Beach. (more images to come of this ace place. That memory card is still in the camera). Met an awesome couple of guys, and a few ace chicks. Unfortunately my phone is not working, so did not get any messages from them. Hopefully they email, or read the blog to know they need to email. It is nice to meet cool people, and we have not stopped meeting the nicest people.

Fitting in like a couple of locals.

We are rockin' highway ONE for the weekend.

on the plane

I am on a rollercoaster jet plane. The plane has no turbulence; I do. A mixed bag of emotions as I leave behind a life that is different; different to what I dreamt it being. I am different. I have changed.

For the better?

A hard question to answer for one self. I am not sure if we ever know the answer to that. We forever change, and grow as people. I guess they call that life.

I miss my little people. I miss kissing them goodnight. We look at the same moon. I told both my little people this as I walked away with tears streaming down my cheeks. I love them to the moon and back.

This trip is for me. I am doing this to grow more. To see the growth I have already had. To have my midlife crisis. To run my first race. To start this whole new life I have begun.

I sit next to my beautiful friend. We both do this trip for ourselves. For our own reason. The one thing we do together is hold our mum's hands, and be us; be me.

bon voyage

My head is a little all over the place. I am ticking off my list in my head, and hoping that when I hop on the plane I will have it all done. One clear head.

I have had the best weekend. The sun was shining. I had beautiful friends by my side, and my little people had a whole bunch of their friends to create chaos with. I am looking forward to going; and I know I will look forward to coming home to the life I have. I am very lucky.

There are two little people that I will miss. My little people that light me up inside. I know that when I kiss them tomorrow night after our special dinner, my heart will break a little. To go to bed in our home without those little ones here will be hard.

Thank goodness for skype.

I will leave it at this. My next post will be from the USA.

{Rock on}

T is for taj, and....

Today was all about the tantrum. Throw yourself on the ground and flick, and have a big bellow of a scream. You know the one where everyone turns and stares at you. Taj had that one.

I could feel my feet dance. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I was screaming on the inside. I walked away.

Keely looked with horror on her face, as I walked away from Taj.

I stood a few metres away from Taj. Keely stood in the middle, unsure of where to go. I have never walked away before. I stood there, took deep breaths, and waited until Taj had calmed down. He didn't calm down.

Time for the scooped up football hold.

My little people are feeling it. They know their mummy is going away. Keely had a day at home with me. She said she didn't want to go to school. I said it was fine, and she could be with me.

I am going to miss my little people. And after today's tears, tantrums, and triumphs, I know they are going to miss me.

The weekend is here. And I am going to rock it with both my little people, with all of the Ts that come along with being a parent.

Enjoy your weekend.