Friday, January 30, 2015

a letter to the boogie man

Dear boogie man that is hanging in my peripheral vision, I have no idea where you have come from, why you are here right now and why you are giving me grief when I am doing awesome. 

The flashes of the boogie man are back. He is there in my nightmares, and sadly waking me up. Not only is he grabbing me there, he is also hanging around when I am riding on my bike, sitting here on the computer, and yesterday he sat right in that dark spot of your eye when you blink. He is even hanging around in the daylight too.

I would give anything to see my mum in dreams, my mum in my peripheral vision, and have her sitting on the couch telling me to cycle faster. But no, I have to have that sick prick hanging around when he is not wanted. 

Every now and then, I will write posts about my past, about what I deal with now, and how I am coping. I think it is important to share what it is like to be over 20 years on since my last sexual assault from my father. Until laws and the way we talk about child sexual assault change, I won't stop sharing what it is like to be a survivor. Don't get me wrong, it is not all nightmares, and flashbacks of the child within being violated. It is also me being able to reflect on how strong I am, how much I have been able to achieve, and what an awesome life I will give to my children, and the life lessons I can teach them with my personal success to survive.

Because ultimately, I want to change the world, and in order to do that, you need to share your awesome side. No one wants to hear bad things. I guess that is why I will take my story around the world with my achievements to run, to cycle and to swim. However I do it in the near future, will be the reflection of the winning fight to survive from the child within. Sometimes you will hear the heartache, but the next day you might see a post where I am living my life, just the way you are too. 

Thank you for listening. Everyone has a superhero outfit, or everyone needs to believe they have one. 

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