Tuesday, March 20, 2012

have you met the bully

Do you play in the playground when you do drop off and pick up? I don't. I walk in, drop off, and walk out, and then I pick up, and I walk out. I have said this before, maybe last year when Keely first started big school that I am no school mum. I am not going to be every mum's best friend. I am not a mean mum. I just don't get into the school politics, and let me tell you, I have faced them, even in hiding.

You cannot hide from the mean mum.

I have heard stories about her. From other blogs, and from other parents facing some mean mums. I faced one. Well actually the sad thing is, my daughter faced the mean mum. And the little face dropped right into her stomach. Keely is shy at the best of times, so you put a mum questioning her about a pair of plastic earrings she apparently took home of her daughters, and that little girl is going to be more than shaking in her boots.

The story is that the little people in Keely's class are playing a swapping game, you give one thing, and you take another thing home for the night and bring it back the next day. You give it to a child that has two homes, and you may not see your thing for an extra day, and you can add another day or so onto that if it falls on a friday, and the weekend is involved.

I believe it is like the park, you take a bike, a scooter, or a toy to the park, you need to share it, and expect that another little person is going to dig your ride, or your toy.

School policy is no adult is to approach a child. That mean mum needs to know that I am glad she was shaking in her boots as she turned around to see me standing in her face. I ignored her, and asked Keely if she was alright.

Keely is fine, but when asked a question today, her answer gave me shivers down my spine. She has fear of another child's mother.

What makes a mum a mean mum? Were they bullied at school? I do not understand. The bullying, and the school pressure is meant to be of the little kind, isn't it? When did it turn into being the parents bullying the children?


  1. Mmmmm, very thought provoking Hayley. Well written.xx

  2. I think some people feed off confrontation, and don't really care who with! I experienced this with a mother every time I went to a local play centre, I stopped going eventually as I was getting worked up every time we got ready to go, and JP wasn't enjoying it any more.
    Best thing you did was ignore her! xx

  3. The school yard is fraught with danger Hayley...for adults and children in my opinion. I fear for my children in that environment but try to put on a brave face so they can be confident about it. I hated the school yard as a child/teenager, those memories never fade :)

  4. Nasty piece of work! She's so in the wrong to chastise someone else's child like that. I don't get people's agendas - ever. You can talk to Keely about the right way and the wrong way to ask someone about something off the back of this.

    I tend to duck in and duck out myself, but I have a great assortment of school mum friends too. There is a way to work it, I think.

    That's a weird school policy, though. I'm sorry, but most of the time it's nice to compliment or praise a child that's not your own, don't you think? I don't like institutions making rules about the way we can engage each other. Bla, blah, blah, do I ever get off the soap box? Prob not!

  5. really? wow! i've never thought about my kids having to face angry mums.. how scary! and stupid of her. why would she make a fool of herself like that in front of you and any other parents around. the only time i've ever spoken crossly to another child is when they've hit my little girl really hard in the face & she started crying :( so i told her little friend swiftly that that wasn't a very nice thing to do & that they shouldn't hit people, but generally there's no point getting involved because they're just as likely to be best friends 3 seconds later! i hope the mean mum was super embarrassed when she saw you & learnt her own lesson about over stepping the mark, especially on such a trivial issue. i mean plastic kids earrings!

  6. are you for real? wow, that is something else. school is really scaring the bejesus out of me. good on you for showing keely how to respond to that kind of behaviour xx

  7. Having worked as a teacher I have seen my fair share of scary mums! I am also a mum of two little girls. There are a couple of things that really stand out to me here ... firstly sharing games are fraught within the school home context, there is so much room for upset with things being shared that are actually favourites and then getting accidentally lost. and then the tears, oh the tears. But the wierdest thing to me is the 'no adult shall aproach a child' policy, I think that is odd, the school is the children's community, it is where they play, learn, explore, and create, together 5 days a week. It totally sucks your wee girl had to face the mean mum (who clearly was having a shit day/week/year to get so worked up over earings in an interaction with a little person) But if no adults are allowed to talk to kids, then where is the positive modelling for this mum, where does she learn how to talk nicely to other peoples children? Adults can be so uptight! I hope your wee girl is happier now : )

  8. I have never understood parents that approach other kids and be nasty and mean. I drop my daughter off but the days I'm not in a hurry I get down and walk her in. I know most of her friends and I could not imagine approaching one to be mean to them, for the most part my interaction is to say hello and I quietly wait while my daughter finishes saying goodbye. I love being able to see and meet some of her friends and their parents even if we do not hang out I at least know who they are. We have never had any issues with any of the kids or parents, but my daughter has gotten upset with a few, but the usual they get mad at each other and then they're best friends again. I would definitely step in though if a parent was mean to my child they should always approach me if there's a problem not my child.



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