buying a straight smile

I have teeth. I kind of hide them when I smile. I have two crowns at the front, and a half a metal molar. It is my fault they are like they are.

I punished myself with food for many years from the child abuse. It was my coping mechanism, along with other things. This was something I could control. Now I am out of control with how much money they are costing me. You may think it is cosmetic, but I want nothing more than a big shiny smile with straight teeth. My bottom teeth are crowded, about 3 need to be removed. I am up to my second round of root canal on one of my front crowns, (yes one of my crowns, which cost me $1500 on its own 12 years ago, has now cost me another $700, and two more sessions to come on that tooth alone). After this will be straight teeth, and with a bit of luck I won't have to have both crowns replaced within the next 12 months.

If I could be an advocate to stress how bad eating disorders are on our bodies, I would scream it from the highest point. It is my own fault I now have to tend to my teeth from acid build up from continuous vomiting for over 10 years killing them. Half of my tooth fell out eating bread one day, and that was from decay build up rotting my tooth. My two front teeth started to overlap from decay in between them. I had them filed back, and two crowns put over the top 12 years ago. One tooth had root canal done at the time, and now the other is having it done. This stress on my crown from drilling increases the possibility it will need to be replaced. Being my front teeth, I will need to have them both replaced to colour match. This may not happen, and I could have the same crowns for the next 20 years.

Look after your smile.

I will be honest and say this will be a great present to give to myself, (if these two front teeth stay in my mouth for a few more years). It is the final journey of the healing process from my abuse. It is my end. It is the pat on the back for dealing with such a horrible disease. It is also accepting that it is something I will deal with for the rest of my life; with a big, straight, pearly white smile.

celebrating under the stars

Little Pinwheel is turning the big three this long weekend. That means my mum will also be celebrating a birthday up on the moon. I know if my mum was still alive she would have given her friends hell about her birthday falling on the long weekend. I have no doubt there would have been some crazy girls weekend booked in. And now I get to give her a party on our crazy camping weekend.

We are getting our camp on with all the little people. This will be our first new family trip. I cannot wait to see my little ones eyes light up as they see a campfire, toast marshmallows, spot bush animals, drive on the beach in a 4wd, and sleep closer to the stars.

I asked Taj if the bunny will still be coming when we are not at home, and he answered, "yes mum. He will drop all the eggs in the sand. We will have to hide them, and find them!" I of course told Taj that the easter bunny hides them, and then he finds them.

To Taj: one more sleep buddy! {he has asked for the past two weeks to go NOW}.

Rock your easter weekend!

Happy number three to Little Pinwheel, and to my beautiful mumso. I miss you.

top grades for my pair

There are two of them. They fed both my babies. They fed them until they were just over 2 years old. Two breasts that now look like two sacks of skin with stretched nipples on top. I don't love them. I don't hate them. I just don't like them.

Have you ever tried to find a bra to fit mini breasts? Have you ever been treated the wrong way because of the size of your breasts? I went shopping a few months ago with Karen, (my ace girlfriend from the UK), and the lady basically laughed at me, and told me there were no bras to fit my breasts. I decided at that point I would either wear no bra, or I would wear what I would call the new age training bra, the bralette, or a crop top.

Today I shopped. I wanted to feel sexy, and like a woman. I was helped by a lovely lady that treated me like a woman. I found one bra. And sometimes that is all we need, one bra, and one person that treats you like a woman..... {The thing is, I believe, you are as much a woman as you allow yourself to feel. It is not the size of your breasts, the shape of your body, or the way you look. It is within yourself; acceptance}.

What is it about breasts. Why do we feel like more a woman when we have them, and less a woman when we don't have them. Or am I the only one with shriveled up breasts, and an issue with feeling less sexy because of the new age training bra I need to wear?

Keely thinks they are "BIG!" They fed both my babies. Less weight to carry when I run. I can rock no bra. I save a lot of money on lingerie. Both my boobs are 10/10, and they received top grades with straight A's.

holding hands; ring a ring a rosie

My clock has ticked, and the alarm has gone off. It is time for me to not have anymore babies. A huge decision for a woman to make, and one I have not taken lightly.

I am still young enough to have more babies, 34 years old. Although, I decided that when my marriage broke down that I would not be having anymore children. I am happy with the two babies I have. They rock my world enough to have one in each hand. It may seem selfish now that I am in a new relationship, and I know I should be open to what he would like too. And I am lucky to find a man that is also happy with the children he has.

Jason has two daughters, one of which is 15 years old, and I am meeting this weekend. I don't have anymore hands, only two of them, but I sure do have a heart that is big enough to share. I have never done this before. I have met teenagers, I was one once, and I have a mini 6 year old version of one. Not sure which version is the best, the one I was, the one I am shaping, or the one I am about to meet. (It truly doesn't matter. I am nervous). All I know is that I am about to meet someone that I hope will want to hold one of my children's hands, and more than anything, I hope that she likes me.

Happy weekend.... we are camping again!

{I am really excited, nervous, and I hope I am cool enough for a teenager. I do know that my little people are going to be more than excited to meet her over the easter long weekend. Fun times ahead}.

the little excuse

I was a fan of monopoly in my day. I liked to rock a bit of trivial pursuit, although I did cheat a lot. My mum played it with her friends over cheese and wine. I was into building houses with cards, and loved a bit of trouble, operation, and the hungry hippo. I was never good at chess, and liked a bit of checkers. Do you play board games?

I pawned Taj. I played a game of chess and put him out there so I could protect the king.

Yesterday I was in a pickle. So much so that I was busted having a tearful moment in Keely's playground at school pickup. The pickle turned my world upside down, and my head started turning with all the things I would need to do to get out of this, or what I could do to make it better.

I pawned Taj. I used my little guy to get out of an appointment for today so I could concentrate on what was important, and right now it is so much more than looking at fashion pieces for my business.

It is all good in our little world, just one of lives little hurdles. Today it's all about playing checkers and doubling up the pieces to conquer the opposing player; creating the winning king.

I must admit I feel a little guilty, but at the same time, I knew I had to tell a white* lie.

Have you used your little people as an excuse to get you out of something?

*{My mum used to say that a white lie is ok, as it doesn't hurt anyone, and there are times in your life that you will need to tell a white lie}.

do you have a dawn chant

"Weetbix mum! Mum, I want my weetbix! Mum, I am hungry. I need my weetbix."

My little people are up before the crack of dawn, or as my mum used to say, dawn's crack. It was 5:45am for the past couple of weeks, and now it has turned into 5am. How they hid those 45 minutes I do not know.

What time do you find acceptable for your little people to be awake? Or more to the point, what time can you function to be an ace parent? Do you need anything to get you going, in order for you to rock it for them?

I can handle 6am. I am not sure what that number 6 means for my body clock, but it seems to like to get up at that time. I can completely function, and all it really needs is a nice hot shower after it has fed the little people. Once I have had my shower I am all over it. The coffee comes after the school drop off on my way to the warehouse.

Do you have any secrets to keeping them in their beds until 6am, or in your bed without the wriggley cuddles? Keely is telling the time, and I have told her about the magic number 6. Although, it doesn't always work, and Taj is the growing boy that is instantly hungry as soon as he wakes up. I jump up pretty quick when Taj starts the weetbix chant.

I however am lucky, I am one of those ridiculously happy morning people. The person we all love to hate. And I can only blame my own genetics when it comes to two ridiculously happy morning people jumping in my bed to the beat of the weetbix chant.

"Coffee little people. Little people, I want my coffee. Little people, I am hungry. I need my coffee!"

getting bigger and bigger

I made a hole. I didn't have to dig too far, only a little shoveling required. It was one of my shelves with a little less clothing.

I made a hole for Jason to bury his clothes in.

We play sleepovers, and it was the natural next step. A hole is a little step towards a big step.

I know that some might have an opinion on when is the best time to make these moves in a relationship. I know I have an opinion, and it is only natural to have one when it comes to the next step in life, especially when I have my little people to think about. They are my number one priority, and it is their feelings I think about a lot.

Of course it is about me too, and I have not forgotten about me. I do however believe that my children have seen enough when it comes to a family unit breaking down. And now they see how new families can be built; for the last time.

There are lessons to be learnt, there are things I have learnt, some good and some bad, but most of all there is lives to be lived, and for now it is only natural for me to open more of my life to the man that wants to be part of it. My little people adore Jason, and he adores them. That to me is huge, and making a hole for him, is only a small piece of the next step.

I ironically had the conversation with my x husband, as he too is taking the next step, but one above my step. They are moving in together. We spoke about how it all worked with us when we first dated, and how our own opinions changed this time around, because of our children. The thing is we are adults. We can make our own decisions, and when it comes down to it, when is it the right time? Isn't the right time, when you feel it is right for yourself, and your children?

This time is really exciting for me. I really didn't think I would have someone in my life again. I truly thought that when a woman is single with children, no one would want to be with them to the extent of being part of our little family. But how I was proved very wrong. Not only was I skeptical about RSVP, but I too was skeptical about a broken family becoming a whole new family again.

And for both myself, and my x husband to be starting new lives, is a wonderful thing. It is nice to show our children that families can be a whole lot more. And it is nice to give myself a slap in the face with the reality of life. It does go on. RSVP works, and a broken family is only broken for the time you allow it to be.

Enjoy your weekend! We are going to have a great weekend as a bigger family.

{I will need a forklift for the next step. No shovel will move my clothes out of the way}!