I found our day

Today I didn't really want to happen. I am not keen on this date, and how fast it comes around. Eight years is a long time, and in another way, it isn't that long at all. I truly feel like I saw my mum yesterday, and I still reach for my phone at times to call her and tell her things. I really hope those instincts never go, as they are quite beautiful. 

grateful for my beautiful friend who took me here for the weekend 

With wanting a day to not really happen, avoidance is a good thing. However it kicked off without me having the chance of avoiding mum's anniversary. I received two handmade cards from my little people. Keely's card says; 

'I love you to the moon Nan Nan love Keely xxooo'

and inside it says,

'I love you mummy. Have a happy day' {insert two happy faces}

and on the back is a drawing of Keely putting Nan Nan's ashes in the waterfall with a rainbow behind it. There are trees and birds, and the sun is shining.

Taj's card says;

'My Nan is beautiful. I love Nan because she is absolutely brilliant.'

and on the back it says,

'I love Nan so much. Nanny absolutely…stop stop stop it might be fun.'

and on the back there is an image of my mum on the moon, touching a star and sending the star down to us. 

This is why I can never let this day not happen. Everyday my mum is in my thoughts, and right beside me. She is in our conversations, in their drawings, and always will be.

Today I swam in the 50 metre pool. I had no other choice. I wanted to swim today, and have that time with my mum. The 25 metre pool was covered, pretty much a neon flashing sign from my mum, 'don't be a chicken, swim in the BIG pool.' One lap in and I could feel the tight chest as the pool got deeper. Oh I sucked it up, and swam a good kilometre in 21 minutes and still made it for school pickup. Thank you Mumso for a day that is becoming our special day, and not the day that I lost you.