Some nights when I kiss my littles goodnight for the second time, (you know the sneaky tuck in before you turn in for the night), I wonder how I am doing this. How am I able to be a motherless daughter, and parent without a backup parent.
My children deserve to know their Nan-nan. My mum deserves to know her grandchildren. If only I had a day where she could be here, and we could share our lives once more. I would love for her to see their joy, their love and for mum to see that I'm doing the best I can do; her grandchildren are beautiful, loving, kind and caring.
Who am I kidding, I would love more than one day. I would love a lifetime. There's so much to show mum. There are people she's never met that have shown me love and life. I know the simple act of mum having a coffee where I have coffee everyday would bring a whole lot of joy into my little community. She had that way about her.
When I wake up tomorrow morning, I will realise I am doing it. I am being a mum to my children. I am living life, and sharing me with the people around me. My mum may not be here with me, although I like to hope she has left such a big part of herself with me. Sometimes I feel alone and other times, I feel her right here with me.
I love kissing my children goodnight. It is the moment you realise we rocked our day. Tomorrow we wake up and rock another. It doesn't matter if there are smiles, or tears, if there are tantrums or laughter. However we get through it, we always have the kiss goodnight.
I also wish my kids could meet their Nana, even just once I know she would have made the most amazing Nana and it does break my heart knowing my children are missing out but also that I have missed out on having my mother there to share her wisdom with me. You are a amazing Mum, keep it up and share the good times with those gorgeous children of your's, be proud!
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