silent saturday

the new addition

I have a new addition to the little pinwheel family. It is my new incredibly sexy camera. I received it late yesterday afternoon, no light left, and almost at chaos hour. The images captured are not what I would have liked for the first images, but hey they are still fun! This is going to help build my future. You will see Little Pinwheel come more alive and things will become more interesting.

Today I know I will have my new addition attached to my hip all day. There will be many snaps taken in the next few days. I hope you all have a lovely day and a fabulous weekend! I must get off the chair and go and shoot.

I just might pop back tomorrow for a silent saturday image! {Doing a little happy dance right now}

camera: canon 7D

belart prints

Last week I received the beautiful prints I ordered for Keely and Taj's room. I was going to share them once I had them framed and on the wall, but I remember how long it took me to even show you their room, so thought I should let you see why I had to have them.

I found Ishtar from Belart through Holly at Decor8. I read Holly's blog all the time and I fall in love with a lot of things she posts about. But of course we cannot have everything. But these I had to have! Not only are they lovely for a children's space, but they are perfect for any space. I actually bought the black print for myself. I knew when I bought it I would be having it in my own space!

Our home is almost complete. There are a few little touches to be added, but for now this is our space. Our home. A home that has fresh flowers every week.

spin that pottylittlepinwheel

I have always wanted to do a random post. This is a random post and I am loving it. I am a gambler.... come join me at the pottylittlepinwheel of fortune. Honestly you have to come and play. You like chocolate don't you? Come on, who doesn't.... we are building a chocolate casino.

writing a chapter in life

Over the last two weeks I have been really looking after me. I have been doing the work I "have" to do and beyond that I have been me, a mum and a friend. Beyond that I have been unable to accomplish anything else. My home is clean. I manage to do that, and I manage to put clean clothes on. Although the clean clothes have sat folded in the wash basket a few days, or until they have been worn.

There does come moments in your life when you do need to slow down. Figure out what you want out of life. Where you are going, and most importantly how to get there. I have had my whole life change and now I am trying to piece together what I would like to do for my future. One that will not only make me happy, but that will keep those smiles on my children's faces and also support them.

I am not completely there yet. I know I want Little Pinwheel to be successful, which it already is, but it needs to be putting the food on the table. I want to write. I need to write. This is my thing. And now I need to see where I can take my thing. How can this help me, help others and in turn make me happy? I am sure I will find the answers. It just takes time.

For now I will keep moving forward. It is a nice path to walk on. There are a few bends, but I think the bends will disappear for a few months and I will find an easier way to get there. I am not a list person, as I am too creative. I cannot turn on the brain to think right sometimes. So to write a list I need to write a story. Write what I am feeling in full sentences and paragraphs, no points.

It is a list; a chapter in my life.

pucker up

I love how little people come out with a whole conversation that you really did not think you would be having for a few years yet. Keely blurted out to me that she kissed a boy at her preschool. Oh yes, the first kiss. Don't you remember that first kiss? I remember mine. But I was not that young. Although, maybe I was, and I do not remember.

I love how through this whole conversation Keely kept giggling. I asked her if she liked him. She continued to giggle, answer me with a yes, and then tell me her first kiss was on his arm! I love the innocence of little people. Something I would like her to have for a very long time.

First kiss stories?

craft monday :: decorating fairies

With the first of August approaching our craft had to be something to do with Keely's little penpal, Avery. I honestly cannot believe how quickly the date to post has come around. Keely really wanted to make Avery a crown, but unfortunately where we bought our craft from did not have any cardboard. Keely chose to decorate some fairies this week for Avery. I am sure if we do not make a crown for Avery sometime this week we will next month.

The fairies we bought were pre-made cutout fairies which you can decorate in anyway you would like. Keely chose to not only paint some, but to also pull out her craft box and decorate them with anything she could find to make them look like princesses.

The best thing about these fairies is Keely is one of the fairies and Avery is the other. Keely specifically asked for blue shoes to be cut for Avery as this is her favourite colour. It has been at least 3 weeks since we opened up the letter from Avery and Keely still remembers blue being Avery's favourite colour. Don't you just love how little people have a head full of sponges!

If you wanted to create these yourself at home I am sure you could draw the shape of the fairy on a thick cardboard and cut them out for your little people to decorate. You do not have to stop at fairies. Butterflies would be easy to cut out and also decorate. They do not have to be perfect, you do not have to be an expert cutter. Remember your little ones will make a plain piece of paper come to life with the right elements.

Enjoy making your fairies!

{all images are in black and white as I do not want to spoil Avery's surprise too much. Plus I am loving black and white this week}.

the look-a-like

When you are adopted you grow up looking like no one. Although I do feel I looked like my mum anyway, and so did everyone else. Having children of my own that even slightly look like me is a little strange for me and a little scary. Taj looks a lot like I did as a little one and I thought today I would show you where he gets his crazy blonde hair from and his cheeky face.

Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I had to take Taj to his regular doctor to talk about his treatment and as it is a 30 minute drive from home he did not have a good car trip. He screamed the whole way there and the whole way home. I have cancelled our holiday to melbourne, and booked it for after his operation. His ears would burst and with the pain he had today, there is no way I am putting him through that. He loves planes, and I want him to love flying in one.

The holiday was booked for my mum's anniversary. I needed to go away. I needed to not be here. I was here last year and I found it incredibly hard. But beautiful friends gave the memory of my mum life yesterday as they offered to help me celebrate her, and not let her die completely. Thank you.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Anything fabulous planned? I am having one of my regular coffee dates with a beautiful friend, and the waffle date is not on for another week. I am considering, weather permitting we might do it on our own. I am having waffle withdrawals, and missing my friend too of course.

ear infection :: grommets

Late today I went to the specialist with Taj. It was a really good outcome, because now I know what is wrong with him, and how I can fix it for him. He has what they call glue ear. Which is where the fluid gets trapped in his ears, and cannot drain. Both of his ears are the same, and are as bad as each other. With his repeated ear infections, and how bad his ears are it is time for modern medicine.

I also see my doctor tomorrow morning, which will help me with understanding the need for Amoxycillin up until his operation in september. I just get concerned having such a small child on antibiotics for a long period of time. A bit of a concerned mother moment!

The specialist said he was surprised at Taj's personality and said he was a really cool kid for someone that would not be able to hear properly. He said children with ears as bad as Taj's have behavioral problems due to the deafness, the balance, and the understanding issues. Being the funny person I am, I asked him if it meant Taj could turn out to be not so cool after he had the grommets inserted. I then continued to say that if this was the case I would get him to take them out. He eased my concern, my funny concern, and told me he would be even cooler then he already is. I said, "rock on!" {Told you I was funny.... well I like to think I am}. I also feel I try to make light of a situation that is a little scary for me.

I cannot wait to have the coolest kid on the block! One that is not in pain, completely the person he chooses to be, and a child that may just sleep through the night. Oh how I will not know myself if that happens! This is all positive. A positive moment in my life; in our life.

little la petite mask

Over the weekend I put together a story of elements I am using to create a mask for you to make for your children. I have been asked by Rachelle from Kenziepoo to create a mask for their next issue of La Petite Magazine. I am so excited to be able to use some of my creative ability to come up with a beautiful mask for little people. I am going to be making 2 masks. Well, that is what I hope and I also hope what is in my head works. I will share the mask or masks with you once they are finished and you will be able to see the whole story in La Petite Magazine, and also print your own template to make for your little ones, or with them. This is my grand plan, and I do hope it works to create a template. If not I can only hope they will visually be amazing!

Of course I went to Pulp Creative Paper to buy all the elements! I sincerely love this shop. I am off to Pulp Life again today to meet up with a divine friend, and a new friend. I kind of think I have a problem; maybe a little obsessed with anything to do with Pulp! But you honestly have to tell me you can see why and you too would be obsessed, maybe just a little.

I really wish I could share the masks for craft monday!

people watching :: super parents

Last week I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I really was knocked off my feet as I tried so hard to be this amazing mother for my children. I know I need to come first. If I don't then who looks after them? I was slapped with the realisation that superwoman does not exist. Well, I think she is here sometimes, but there are times that she cannot be.

I don't like seeing people in pain. I don't like seeing people suffer and feel completely useless. I cannot handle seeing my son in pain, and know that his development is being affected due to this pain. I am just like any other mother who does not like to see their children hurting, and the mother that wants to comfort them and make them feel better as much as we can.

I did some people watching over the weekend. I watched parents with their children.I watched how a caring arm would be there for them as they played at the park. I watched how parents would sit back and watch their children. I personally love doing this myself. It is lovely to sit back and just watch. When I looked around I saw so much love. I saw many women that were wearing their superwoman outfits, men dressed as superman, and even a few batman. I realised that I am not the only one that thinks I am superwoman, or tries to be. We all do it. Every parent has used their powers to get through this week, as we will the next.

So yes, superwoman does exist. But there are times when she does need that helping hand and that shoulder to keep going. I have been lucky enough to have my beautiful friends put their hands out and give me their shoulders. I realised over the weekend just how lucky I am. I have beautiful people in my life. Even the people that I have never met, and may never meet. I may feel completely alone sometimes, but I have been reminded that I am not. Thank you.

Today I wear my outfit. But tomorrow I may just take it off.

craft monday :: painting

This week I am a little light on the inspiration for craft monday. It was an easy saturday of craft with Keely, as it has been a very hard few days. I honestly fell asleep on my bed on saturday while Keely watched a dvd and played in the lounge room. I was incredibly tired from Taj getting up every 2 hours to cuddle me. He does lay next to me, but he kept waking in pain and snuggling right on top of me. It was very sweet, but made for a very tired mum. I actually didn't realise how tired I was until Keely came in the room to wake me up.

It was sweet to hear her voice telling me that I had fallen asleep. She was giggling at me as I never sleep during the day. Sad thing is I only slept for 20 minutes! Before I was a bad mother falling asleep on my child I did get her paints organised and she painted me a whole story of pictures to cheer me up. I am not sure how she knew I was not completely me, but she just did. I do try to wear this mask of happiness somedays, but she could see straight through it. She painted 5 pictures and every single one was for me.Lucky me.

Have fun with the easy craft. Painting, drawing, playing with playdoh are all fun for little people.

ear infection and super woman

Tonight I am sad. I am really sad. My poor boy is sick and it is hurting me too. It is time for the specialist. He is being seen really quick as they are a bit worried about him. He goes in on wednesday to get tests done. It is highly likely he is going to be getting grommets. My doctor looked at me today and told me it was time for modern medicine. It was time to make this boy well.

I have flash backs of my mum being sick, and I know this is different. But hearing his cries and the way he cries for me is the same way my mum cried in pain. I fear loss. I fear it everyday. My doctor knows this and I am sure this is why it is time to go the big step.

My doctor also put her hand out to me and told me it was time to stop trying to be super woman. It was time to give me some help. I am getting a volunteer nanna that will come to my home. Be someone for me and someone more for the little ones. She told me she thinks I will really like this. I think she is right. It is time for me to put my hand out, and have tea with someone.

I booked my holiday. I am going away with the little ones. We are off to melbourne, my favourite city. Cafe, coffee, cafe, coffee...... nothing else needed really! Maybe a little shopping.

Tonight I cry. I have cried a lot. It is good as I have held so much in, and tonight I am letting it all go so tomorrow I can be super woman again. Trust me I can do it as I have powers the doctor gave me today; herbs, liquid gold!

As I wrote this Taj was on my lap looking up at me and smiling.

run forest run....

Yes, I am back. No more shin splints, rib all clear to go. So off I went for a last minute run. It was actually what I really needed. Trust me yesterday I was such a grumpy person to be around. I don't get grumpy much and I was grumpy. I was tired, feeling a bit scared, and a little unbalanced. I also have fears of another ear infection for Taj. We are off to the doctor this morning for what I hope will be an all clear.

I thought the run would be great. It would clear my head and I would feel amazing after it. I couldn't be too unfit, it was only about 2 months, or maybe a little more since I last put my feet on the sand for my forest gump moment. This time though I had my shoes on. There is no way I am risking more shin splints. (Oh and to be honest, wow shoes! Why run with no shoes, what was I thinking. You get an instant bounce in your step). I need to run! The run itself was fabulous. But I went hard. Really hard. Like I said, I was grumpy, so I was taking it out on myself and trying to get rid of everything in one huff and puff. The fitness was not an issue, my legs could run forever. Remember I am your everyday forest gump! It was the asthma. It came back and really bad. I thought I was scared before my run, but wow was I scared while I was on it. The tightness was intense. But I had to tell myself it was fine, and not hyperventilate at the same time. With no asthma puffer that would be a very big issue. I worked myself through it and once I was fine I took my time. I didn't try to push all of what I was going through out in one huff and puff. I had the whole rest of the beach to run back, there was still time to get rid of all of the grumpy me.

Once I was back on the other side, I did feel pretty sore. The chest was really hurting. I made it home and the puffer helped me get back to a normal, non wheezing breath. The grumpy me was gone. The run worked. I was back. The everyday forest gump will be running her anxiety away, along with some help from the doctor today!

The best part about the end of yesterday was the fact Keely ate soya beans. Oh yes, that is a green vegetable, not pureed and hidden. It was popped from the shell and eaten by her. She ate several! Grumpy mum turned into very proud and happy mum. Flick friday for me today! I am watching Remember Me, which I was recommended and I have also been told to have a box of tissues ready. I am not sure if I want to cry, but maybe that is also good for me. I hold a lot in, and a good cry with some chocolate is what this girl needs right now.

Today I am going to do something crazy, something last minute. I am going away with my little people. Not really a holiday to some I am sure. But they are my life, and we are going to have the best time! I am booking the mystery hotel. The identity is kept a secret until you have booked. This is fun. This is what I need right now.

Enjoy your weekend!

the tired mum

I thought today I would be really honest and say I am tired. I am actually exhausted. I have no idea why I feel so rundown. I actually felt this last week too and tried to fight it by not doing much. I was very good at procrastinating the whole week last week and i didn't do any of the things I needed to get done.

I really do believe I am just overworked. I sit in front of this screen any chance I get. I work around Taj's day sleep, Keely being at school and as soon as they are in bed in the evening I am on here. I believe I need to have some time to even just sit and watch a bit of meaningless television. That is actually the reason I created my own "flick friday," as I needed to make a time I would actually sit and not work.

Don't get me wrong I love all of this. I love the blog, I love Little Pinwheel and I love all the other work I do on the side for myself and for others. It is what I do. I love to help other people. But when I yelled at my daughter last night, and my anxiety came bursting back I realised I need to really take some time for me. I need to find out why I am so tired, and why after months do I have anxiety. It came back last week, and I have not figured out the trigger yet.

Today I am being honest and saying last night I was a angry mum. I don't like angry mum. Now I am going to make sure there is time for me to sit and just be. Actually do the simple pleasure of putting my feet up, even if it is for 30 minutes. Take that time to ensure angry mum does not come back.

cooking :: carrot and walnut cake

I love a good children's cookbook and one that made to teach children healthy eating. I was recommended a great book by Stephanie Alexander, Kitchen Garden Cooking With Kids. I have Stephanie Alexander's book, The Cooks Companion, which I love. I am glad my girlfriend told me about her book, but in another way I am not as I keep baking the carrot and walnut cake and eating way too much of it myself. I even stuffed up an order, no big deal, but enough for me to feel guilty, so I sent the customer a slice! She loved it.....

Keely and I baked this one together, (we are messy cooks). It was nice to see her try it in the end with big grated pieces of carrot. To my surprise she still did not like it. Mind you I do have a very fussy eater. But, don't let this make you think it is not good cake, as it is really good cake! Taj and I are sharing it, but of course I am eating more.

I believe it is nice to share recipes, especially when you have found a good one. So today I will be a real mum and share my favourite cake.

Carrot and Walnut Cake

Ingredients

2/3 cup vegetable oil

2-3 medium carrots

50g walnuts

2 eggs

125 g self raising flour (I used wholemeal)

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon grated nutmeg (I used ground)

3/4 cup brown sugar

Topping

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons castor sugar

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

* preheat oven to 180 C. Place the oil in a small bowl and brush a small amount of oil in the loaf tin (24cm x 12cm x 7cm). Layer with a piece of baking paper, with a little overhang.

* grate the carrot and set aside, (about 2 cups). chop the walnuts.

* in a medium bowl, lightly whisk the remaining oil and the eggs together. sift the flour, along with the cinnamon and nutmeg, into the large bowl. add the sugar and mix lightly with a wooden spoon. make a well in the middle and pour the oil/egg mixture. combine well and add the carrot and walnuts. spoon the cake mixture into the prepared tin.

* bake for 35-40 minutes. check with a skewer into its middle (it should come out clean). let cake sit in tin for a few minutes in the tin, then transfer to a wire rack. discard the paper.

* to make the topping, melt the butter, then brush the top of the cake with butter. mix the cinnamon and sugar together in a small bowl and scatter over the top of the cake while it is still warm.

Enjoy! Share it with your friends. Remember it travels well in the post!