Words; you either love them or hate them. Well I do. Right now I am not liking mine whatsoever. Misinterpreting words meant a whole spiral of events for me. A week I would love to forget. But one that flashes in my mind like one huge nightmare.
To sit and hold a hand, that feels so lifeless, and to watch every breath of a machine that pumps into one's body is heartbreaking. To sit across from an empty bed that I sat at five years ago, as I watched my mum slip from my life is heartbreaking. It is too much for my body, mind and heart to take. This time it is going to be ok. The hand I held is now full of life. The breath I now watch comes straight from the mouth, minus the tube, and I believe that life will be safe, and happy again. I have hope that this will all be a distant memory and something we all never have to face again.
I have decided I need some time with my little ones. I need some time with the people I love. I am taking a mini break from blogging to take away my self blame, to build myself up to understand that my words were not the reason for the spiral we faced last week, to be their support, and to be with the one's I love for my own support.
Please understand this is something I need to keep close to my heart, and know that everything will be ok. I still have a whole lot of happiness in me. It just needs to push through the shock, and the fear, and I will be smiling big once more.
We all need a little time with our family.